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Refusing to be Lonely at the Leading Edge of Thought

by Cassendre Xavier

I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure Oprah has, like, three friends.

I mean, she has millions of admirers, thousands of business associates, hundreds of friendly acquaintances, dozens of people who consider themselves her friends, and three very close actual friends. Who are these people? Well, if my reading on what she puts out publicly is correct: Gayle King, Stedman Graham, and Maya Angelou.

It seems to me that Gayle King, her very best platonic female friend, from her early days in television journalism, is her closest and dearest friend. The woman who recognized her talent very early on, was her peer, and later her cheerleader when Oprah’s star truly began to shine. Gayle isn’t threatened by Oprah’s success – she is enhanced by it. She loves her best friend, and she supports her, because she doesn’t need to compete against Oprah. She benefits by working alongside Oprah in projects that excite and stimulate and expand her own personal and professional growth. She can be Oprah’s close confidante, because Oprah’s success truly does become hers as well. This is how it should be in most close friendships, but isn’t, because of competition and jealousy, both professional, and personal.

 From outward appearances, and what Oprah has said repeatedly, Stedman Graham is her lover, her partner, and longtime good friend and supporter. He helps hold her up in the world. He, too, is not threatened by her success, and in being aligned with her, and her name, his businesses thrive additionally. Being very secure with his masculinity, no doubt in part because she helps him to feel this way, he can live with her in peace, love, and cooperation, not crumbling, like so many other men have, when the rude and the ignorant call him by his woman’s last name. He does not compete with her, nor is his ego shrunken by her all-encompassing greatness.

 Maya Angelou, a true renaissance woman, is Oprah’s elder, mentor, and mother figure. Oprah is probably a daughter figure to Maya, who only wants the best for Oprah, and who has succeeded in living a proud and worthy life of excellence, elegance, and political awareness and activism. Oprah, no matter how “big” she gets, professionally, or financially, will never be bigger than Maya. There is no comparison, no threat, and no competition on either side.

 This is what I realized recently, when reading “Ask and It is Given: Manifesting Your Desires” by Esther Hicks & Jerry Hicks, channelers of Abraham. In it, they say that we, lightworkers and many of us who don’t know that term, but are lightworkers nonetheless – we, they say, are on the “leading edge of thought”. And, as they say, there are very few of us on that leading edge of thought.

 Lately, I’d been feeling pretty lonely.

I go out and play my music, and go home alone. I may have a lover or four (heh-heh), but no spouse. I may have friendly acquaintances, but can count my true and close friendships on two fingers. And even they are geographically far away from me.

 Why is this, I asked myself? Is there something wrong with me? On paper, I look pretty good, as they say. I’m intelligent, bright, spunky, friendly, sweet, considerate, charming, and generous. What’s the problem? Why don’t I have more friends?

I realized a few things:

1)     I’m on the leading edge of thought. While it may be super fun for me to spend hours a day studying my spiritual texts, holding and peering in my favorite crystal, asking it questions, channeling messages from my angels, meditating, writing, and so forth  - this isn’t exactly the behavior of most people. They’re out shopping, or out with their friends at a club “Sex in the City” style. I guess, I mean, I don’t know – all my information about the “dominant culture” comes from YouTube these days!

2)     I work almost all the time. Being self-employed means you work twice as long as everyone else. The diff is we tend to enjoy our work much more, but it’s still a long work day. I’m at my office when others are out bike riding with their kids.

3)     Because of the nature of who I am and what I’m here to do, my circle of peers is much smaller than it used to be. In my teens and twenties, I could more easily “hang out” with people I didn’t have much in common with. Or rather, I had more in common with them because I hadn’t yet discovered my calling or necessary work as a lightworker. Back then I was just a budding musician with a penchant for writing and starting support groups for every little thing that ailed me! Now, at age 40, it’s time to hunker down. I’ve got things to do – I’ve got pain to soothe, I’ve got people to reach, books to write, healing to inspire. I have goals that my soul’s evolution depends on.


I decided to refuse to be lonely at the leading edge of thought. I joined Lightworkers.org, a website dedicated to building community among like-minded folks, and began meeting a whole spiritual network of people who actually “get” me. Whereas before I’ve either alienated or inspired professional jealousy in people, at Lighworkers, I get to completely shine. I am learning to be myself, and am writing better and infusing all of my work with joy and love.

 I am in no hurry to make friends, but I am in a hurry to do my most joyful work, for I know that when I work with love, I attract loving circumstances. When I write a spiritual essay from the heart, to comfort, soothe, and inspire, and that essay is met with compliments, praise, not of my writing, but of my Spirit, I know that I am closer to meeting a new circle of friends. I may need to relocate at some point – in fact, I know I will, and I already know where, but for now I am building the blocks – the friendship blocks.

 If you feel you’ve been lonely for a very long time – find your joy again. Get deeply into what makes you happiest, and do that in an outward way – into the world outside of you. Find what makes you happy, or increase your doing of the thing that makes you happy. Find a way to make what you love to do a service that others can use. When you put your love out into the world, it will come back to you.

Seek mentors. I have asked people whose books have inspired me to be my mentors. More often than not, they have said yes, and sometimes, their mentorship becomes friendships.

Consider that you may be lonely because you’ve been setting your sites too low. Look beyond eye level. Your peers may be steps up higher creatively or professionally, than you’d originally thought.

Be patient with yourself, and don’t expect miracles overnight. Be your own best friend first. Take yourself out to dinner, movies, buy yourself flowers. Celebrate yourself. Celebrate your difference. Laugh a lot. Be a friend to someone else. Don’t focus on your loneliness. Enjoy your solitude. Be in service to others. Volunteer somewhere. Make sure someone needs you. Be happy to be alive.

And through it all, keep adding more of what makes you happy, do it in service, and watch the new friends and lovers enter your life. Friends and lovers who cherish you exactly as you  are, aren’t threatened by you either professionally or personally, and want only the best for you in every way. Blessings to you!



© Copyright 2009 by Cassendre Xavier. All rights reserved. www.cassEndrExavier.com.



Black Women’s Arts Festival founder & “renaissance negresse” Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah released her 8th musical recording “Capable of Love” in January ‘09 to rave reviews. Her guided meditation album series “Affirmations for Survivors: Self-Love” & “Affirmations for Survivors: Spirituality” will be complete this spring with “Sexuality” & “Life Skills”. She leads a raw vegan support group at Essene on 1st & 3rd Mondays & CX Running Club twice weekly in Rittenhouse Square. www.cassEndrExavier.com

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