Jealousy & Envy: 7 Ways to Heal and Grow
by Cassendre Xavier
When you take steady and regular action toward your dreams and goals, you feel more secure in yourself, and you are much less likely to be jealous of others.
As a self-avowed “late bloomer”, I am often presented with opportunities to deal with feelings of jealousy and envy. I see people around me who are much younger and have accomplished much more of the things I am working towards creating in my life. I yearn for the success and stability of not only recognition for my work, which I’m grateful, blessed, and lucky to already and often experience, but material abundance as well. After many years of hard work, it’s no longer enough to receive kudos and thanks for my writings, recordings, and community organizing efforts. I want cold hard cash and checks coming in to pay my living expenses and allow me the opportunities to have adventures in life I feel I deserve and am well worthy of.
This, and other humyn, egocentric thoughts of fear, scarcity, and lack are often the stages I’m in when the thoughts of jealousy and envy creep in. It’s never when I’m feeling full of bliss and love – when I’m aware that the universe is abundant and that there is enough for everyone. For, when I am feeling that way, it’s quite clear to me there is no competition- not at all, whatsoever. There are only those of us who try our best and those of us who do not – those of us who create and those of us who stifle in fears of various kinds – ourselves and others.
Recently, various life factors, some of which affect us all – like “the economy” we hear so much about, have piled on top of others – like my survivor issues, eating disorder, and overwhelming schedule have wreaked havoc on my lightworker/Law of Attraction-trained mind. I have been afraid. I have been afraid I’ll never accomplish all of my goals, my dreams won’t come true, I’ll never get my act together enough to attract my ideal soul mate, and similar thoughts. The good news is that I recognize them as what they are – fear having its way with me, and me being given a Spirit-sent opportunity to go to Source (sometimes called God) for guidance, healing, and comfort.
From time to time, this issue has come up for me – of what Van Morrison called “Professional Jealousy” in his song of the same title, and I’ve made a mental note to write and share my thoughts and experience about it.
Just now something happened for me to immediately accomplish this task.
I was looking online for images of a tour bus. I have a very strong dream of going on tour as a singer-songwriter, and of having my own tour bus. I am totally open to the Universe co-creating this with me, and although it’s a lesser expensive bus I keep expecting, Spirit keeps presenting me with opportunities to expand my vision and possibilities. I see images of much snazzier buses, and interiors deemed in the “party bus” category. As Abraham-Hicks teach, it’s a time for me to expand what I really want. Do I really want the Volkswagen bus painted wild pink and other colors on the outside and in, with a friendly small band and that’s it? Or do I want the RV camper that looks like a couples first tiny apartment – homey but not too glam? Or maybe the type of bus Reba McIntyre might have, which looks “too fancy” for me, but has amenities I know that I want – like my own private sleeping space, in part because I’m self-conscious about my highly unglamorous snoring!
This exercise of browsing, picking and choosing my dream tour bus, interior and exterior, for my mental visualization exercises and dream/vision board created many opportunities for personal growth in this topic.
One major thing that happened is that I came across only one image of a woman singer-songwriter, inside her tour bus, with a guitar in her hands, posed as if playing, capo and all (fifth fret – one of my faves! I would overlook that she is slender and white, while I am large and black.)
At first I saved the image and used it in the background of my computer, then I went back to the image and saw that it had a caption and an article attached to it. The caption was “Singer-songwriter Lori McKenna on her tour bus after she opened for Faith Hill and Tim McGraw in Tacoma, Wa.”
Then I searched her name and read more about her.
For some reason, as I read that she was a songwriter who had started late and was already married with three children (now she has five) when she achieved success, I started feeling sadder and sadder. All these thoughts ran through my head which made me think of her as specially blessed, or able, and different from me – that was the prevailing thought, “I can’t do what she did. She’s different. I’m different. I’m not like her. I’m not good enough,” and my stomach started hurting and I just felt worse and worse. Then I caught myself and started stroking my soul with feel-good, healing thoughts. I hope these words help you heal your own feelings of jealousy and envy. Remember these are perfectly normal feelings, and you would have to be dead or a robot not to ever feel jealous or envious of your peers!
Here are some tips I’ve learned and wish to share:
1) Have a make-believe conversation. As soon as you feel jealous of someone, imagine you are having a conversation with that person. Ask them if they want you to feel that way. In most cases, you’ll immediately feel relief knowing that absolutely no, they do not want you to feel badly and lesser-than. Most people want others to be successful and happy in life. In fact, it’s a fear of others’ jealousy that often keeps some folks stagnated in self-destructive, project-sabotaging behaviors. If none of us had any of that to fear, more of us would accomplish a great deal more.
2) Forgive yourself. It hurts (especially your inner child) to be flagellated with thoughts of not being good enough, not having accomplished enough, and that’s exactly what you’re doing when you’re jealous of someone. Be gentle with yourself.
3) Ask spirit for guidance and forgiveness. Go to your various sources: God, Goddess, the ascended masters, the angels, nature, love, etc., and ask them to be with you, hold your hand and heal your heart during this temporary time of crisis. Expect relief and you will likely receive it.
4) Express gratitude. When you are clear that your needs are provided for, including your needs to accomplish your dreams, you have all the gratitude to help reach them. When you’re lacking in gratitude, you’re vulnerable to feelings of jealousy and envy. When you express gratitude, those thoughts are much less attracted to you, and less likely to occur.
5) Practice an abundance of love – for yourself and others. As with gratitude, when you are focused on being loving, there is very little room for fearful, self-loathing thoughts like being jealous of others to slip in.
6) Eat well. You become what you eat, and your thoughts are very much affected by what you eat and drink. Try to eat as well as you can, not only to support your physical being, but your mental and spiritual one as well. The better you eat, the better your thoughts.
7) Take action. You won’t give a hoot what Sally or Jim’s doing down the road if you’re busy preparing to run your own race. Keep focused on your own dreams and moving towards your own goals, remaining in tune with your inner guidance and spiritual support system. When you take steady and regular action on your dreams and goals, you feel more secure in yourself, and you become much less likely to fall prey to thoughts and feelings of jealousy and envy of others.
Cassendre Amethyste Rah Xavier is an award-winning multi-media cultural and healing artist dealing mostly with survivor issues, self-love, creativity, humor, spirituality, raw vegan lifestyle and sexuality. Amethyste (as she likes to be called in spiritual circles) is known mostly as a singer-songwriter, recording artist, author of multi-genre writing, YouTube personality, as well as being the founder and director of Philadelphia’s 8th Annual Black Women’s Arts Festival. Although Amethyste is an ordained Interfaith Minister permitted to perform legal wedding ceremonies throughout the United States and many parts of the world, she specializes in commitment ceremonies and celebrations for polyamorous, LGBT and alternative/intentional families of choice. For more information about her products and appearances (including musical concerts and Affirmations Sing-Alongs, literary and poetry readings, Orin DaBen study groups, Angel Healing and spiritual counseling sessions, and personal growth classes and workshops), please visit http://cassEndrExavier.com.
© 2010 by Cassendre Amethyste Rah Xavier. All rights reserved.
Permission is granted to share this article free of charge, provided the following credit is included: Jealousy & Envy: 7 Ways to Heal and Grow, by Cassendre Amethyste Rah Xavier www.cassEndrExavier.com
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