Love Never Dies: Afterlife Communication with Deceased Loved Ones
by Cassendre Xavier
"All the deceased want is to be acknowledged and accepted." -from the book We Are Their Heaven: Why the Dead Never Leave Us, by Allison DuBois
On March 24, 2013, I received a Facebook message from one of the siblings of my consort of almost four years. She informed me in a very brief message that my Tom had passed away. Although he had a heart condition and could have died at any moment of my years with him, it still came as a shock.
I'd last seen him on March 1, and although the date given of his death was March 18, he and I were very psychically in tune with one another, and I believe he passed away on March 15, exactly one month after his 57th birthday, and only two weeks after our last date.
What made hearing about Tom's death really difficult for me at first was remembering how he and I both had wanted to spend the weekend together, but neither would compromise on the logistics. I was on a juice fast and wanted ("needed?") to go home first to get my weekend's supply of food. He wanted me to go to his place right away and eat chicken stew with him.
We ended up arguing and he dropped me off angry, saying I wouldn't see him for "a while". I knew how he could be unreasonable and difficult when he was angry, so I just tussled his hair, gently rubbed his neck, and told him I'd call him when his mood passed. To my surprise, he melted into my touch and replied, "That's probably not a bad idea."
I saw that sweet and gentle exchange as a sign of progress in our relationship; previously, when he brushed me off, I'd respond in anger. This time, I saw him as a hurting child and responded with love and warmth instead.
It's never easy to lose someone we love. Even when they have a life-threatening illness, when they do die we are left with a deep feeling of loss.
I'd like to share with you some of the things that have helped me along the way in my grieving.
1) Love is love is love is love (and it all counts).
If you're like me, you've had traumas that make it more challenging for you than for the average persun to have emotionally intimate, close, healthy, and loving relationships. I've learned to see how people show their love, and to really appreciate all their efforts in loving. That all counts, and in the end of our lives, that's all that matters - that we tried to give and receive love. Everyone is doing the best they know how, even, or perhaps especially, when it comes to love.
2) Allow yourself to believe what you choose to believe, and what brings you comfort to believe, about the afterlife.
I might admire the atheist thinker's stance on organized religion or corrupt politics, but the last one I want in my corner when I'm crumpled up in a heap o'grievage (aka "grievation") is that guy (or gal)!
I've really gotten good at compartmentalizing my beliefs this past month. When I want to learn something about the so-called powers that be, and get all activist-y in my head, I go to the atheist free thinking comedians and authors. When I'm wondering how my sweetie is in the great beyond, I completely switch the channel from intellect to spiritual. Sure, the two can live together in peas and har-moan-knee, but it's too much effort to organize that in my mind!
What do you believe? I go by my feelings and what my wise inner self and mostly my inner Indigo/Crystal child says. If a thought feels bad as you think it, it isn't true nor close to God/Spirit/The Universe, and it's best to let it go. If a thought brings about peaceful feelings of bliss, it is true and is designed to activate your soul and bring you closer to the Divine.
Whenever I have a negative thought about Tom, that involve regret about the past or worry about the present or future, I let it go. I replace it with better and better feeling thoughts that comfort me. That is love. Love is truth and love as truth feels wonderful!
3) Allow yourself to grieve.
I have known for many years I am a spiritual being having a humyn experience. I am aware of my angels and ancestor/spirit guides. More recently, I've been learning more about how beautiful and rich the humyn experience is. Past training had taught me that being humyn wasn't that good - we were sinners and we were only here to correct karmic sins. The body was dirty and the spirit was clean. When our deceased loved ones were with us it was only because they were "earthbound" and unhappy. Now, I know better! I am grateful to have learned from external and internal Source(s) that being humyn is wonderful in itself! Our bodies are wonderful, there is no "sin", no judgment, no punishment in the great beyond.
Grieving is part of the Divine humyn experience. When I cry about Tom now, it's a wonderful physical experience. It's cleansing and pure; it's authentic expression of my appreciation of the love we shared. It is not sadness over a loss. When I cry as I grieve, it's because I am grateful.
Did you know that when we cry we are ridding our bodies of toxins that can come out no other way? There are even specific toxins to tears of pain versus tears of grief! Crying can be wonderfully healing, and cleansing, particularly if not done in regret, but in appreciation. There's a reason it's called "a good cry" and that some people schedule in a good cry at least once a month. Good crying is very healthy (and I would imagine if more people cried regularly, we'd see less cancer and heart problems in this country).
If you can cry deeply, you can feel joy deeply. If you have loved much, you have a deeper capacity to feel loss. I know I have loved deeply, because I feel the loss strongly. And I allow myself to feel the loss because I joyfully and excitedly requested this humyn experience long ago. I wanted the complete adventure.
When you allow yourself to fully grieve with appreciation of what you have, you are being fully and Divinely humyn.
I am so grateful to have had four years with a consort I played with and learned from, who even now shows me and guides me to an even more beauty-filled and courageously-lived life and to even better relationships in the near future!
4) Communicate with your deceased loved ones.
Our loved ones stay with us in spirit after they pass on in the flesh. They also simultaneously and joyfully attend spiritual "school" and go on exciting adventures, relaxing vacations, and visitations with their other loved ones. But they stay with us, too, and closely attend to us in our daily goings-on, because as in life, they still love and cherish and want to continue guiding us. They still love and enjoy our company.
Your loved ones want you to speak of them, remember them, and be open to signals and messages they are around you.
Communicating with them helps everyone. It helps them feel closer to you and that brings them joy - everyone likes to be acknowledged! It helps you during your grieving and even after, just to have their regular company again, and their spiritual guidance perhaps for the first time in such a direct, and pure way. And it helps others expand their ideas when they witness this and similar expressions of authentic, spiritual living.
5) Get support!
You need to make yourself feel better no matter what. I learned the best way for me to feel closer to Tom after his passing was to make myself feel good! I performed more, I went out with friends, I shared a lot of hugs, I made mail art (my art therapy), I watched YouTube and TV, I read a lot. I got a lot of support to feel better by reading online articles like this one about afterlife communication with deceased loved ones. (In fact, it was both my suffering at having lost my Tom and the immense comfort these articles provided that inspired me to write this aricle!) I read my favorite spiritual materials about angels, angelic healing, psychic mediumship, and the afterlife, and listened to guided meditations.
How to communicate with your deceased loved one(s) who are now in the afterlife:
A) Write them letters. They will see as you write, so unless you really want to, there's no need to burn, bury, put in the ocean, or do anything else to the letter except to write it.
B) Think to or about them. They will pick up, hear, or sense your thoughts/thoughtforms.
C) Go to a medium/psychic. The best way to find a good one for you is through word of mouth or recommendations from friends, family, and/or associates.
How your loved ones will let you know they are nearby:
*Feelings and thoughts. That's the easiest way the dead communicate with us. Be open to it, and don't take it for granted if your loved one pops into your mind or you get a physical feeling from time to time that reminds you of them.
*Dreams. You can ask your deceased loved one to appear in your dreams. They will. Keep a journal near your bed to write your dreams upon waking. (My Tom appeared the night after I invited him, and said one sentence which was unlike how he spoke to me, but when I relayed it to his family, his sister said, "That sounds like something he'd say." I felt so validated and proud of having risked being made fun of! Our loved ones want us to acknowledge their presence. Only their body has died, not their spirit!)
*Sending you songs. You may be at a store or bank, etc., or even at home or work and hear a song that is significant to you and/or your deceased loved one. If you don't take it for granted, and you appreciate and recognize it as a message from your loved one, you will likely be given that same title repeatedly, or more similar communication. Remember, appreciation attracts!
*Coins will appear, especially pennies, which are made of copper, the very electrically attractive metal of love!
*You'll experience technical glitches. Computers will freeze or speed up, you may receive a text message, your phone may ring. Those who have passed are particularly adept at manipulating electric and electronic waves, so look out!
*Unusual occurrances with wildlife. Spirits often influence or even temporarily inhabit animals or insects right after they pass on. The dead often return to us as a new bird outside our window, or if they are in spirit form in the room, our dog might bark excessively. As witches (wise nature wimmin) knew with their "familiars"), having critters around is a Divine way of sensing nonphysical presence. Animals can sense on a much deeper level than most of us under-trained and under-meditated psychic beings can.
*So-called coincidences, happenings, etc. Your departed loved ones can move certain situations and influence people's thoughts as they can with yours. They can help you get a job, or fix your car, or get a discount on a major purchase. When these things happen, ask yourself "Whose calling card is this?" Different folks have different skills, and we all still have our same ones after we leave our bodies behind and go on our afterlife adventure. You can tell which loved one is looking out for you from the great beyond by what wonderful circumstance has happened!
I believe love never dies. The love we share is truly the only thing that lasts forever. This has been the most comforting of all thoughts for me, and I hope it is to you, too, if you have lost a loved one.
Whenever you miss them, all you have to do is go to your loving thoughts and remembrances, for truly that is where they await you!
Cassendre Xavier is an award-winning multi-media healing artist and community organizer. A first generation American-born citizen of Haitian and Chinese heritage, she coined the term "renaissance negresse" in 2002 to describe her work as a musician, author, visual artist, and actress. Cassendre sometimes works under the names Amethyste Rah and Amrita Waterfalls, also identifies as a lightworker, and has been involved as a producer of books, audio and video recordings (including spoken word guided meditations and raw vegan food prep), as well as a peer support group facilitator in the personal growth, spirituality, and recovery movements since 1991. She is the founder and executive director of Philadelphia's 8th Annual Black Women's Arts Festival (http://BWAFphilly.homestead.com) as well as the Women’s Writing & Spoken Word Series (http://WomensWritingSeries.homestead.com). For more information about Cassendre's various projects, please visit http://cassEndrExavier.com.
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