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Never Live Without a Deadline Again: New Friends, New Loves

by Cassendre Xavier


About a week or so ago, I posted on my Facebook timeline something like: 

“If you work well with deadlines and schedules, put in your datebook a date and time you will meet your next ideal partner in work, love, recovery, or friendship!”

Then, taking my own advice, I noted exactly one week from now, that on that day I will, “Meet good friend or partner!”

I recalled this today around 10:30am when walking away from a totally fun, easy, and long conversation with a young “brown” (as she describes herself – I would say she’s black or African American) fine arts (painter) I was introduced to several months prior for the Black Women’s Arts Festival (BWAF), which I was working on.

 When I saw her this morning, I apologized for having not followed through on booking her to be a featured fine artist. We’d exchanged info and emailed once or twice, but because her name and business where spelled unusually, whenever I wanted to find her info in my email account or online to connect and complete our dealings, I couldn’t find her. I apologized for this, and to my surprise and relief of my guilty feelings, she was totally understanding, casual, and pleasant about it! She also mentioned that a friend of hers had participated as a feature in that event (another young black woman – a self-published author who did both a literary event and workshop at BWAF), as if to imply that since someone close to her got in, she was pleased.

 She also expressed confidence that we’d connect and complete our deal next year. 

 I felt comfortable the whole time talking with her, a conversation which flowed smoothly and easily. We talked about racism, angels, spirituality, Quakerism, cats, local arts events, salons. And she has a car! I’d been wishing for a friend with a car who could take me places I needed to go from time to time. I told her that, and how I’ve been moving things to and from my storage unit in multiple trips via public transportation. She said she often gives friends rides and is happy to receive what we can offer, as well as barter or trade. 

 The whole conversation just kept going on and on, even though we both said we “have to go”, and we laughed often, too!
 As I walked away, I was feeling very happy and began practicing gratitude for the exchange, then recalled the car thing and was so happy about that, and then I suddenly remembered my “deadline” of having a new friend or partner!

(By the way, we’re both vendors and another reason I’d wanted a friend with a car would be to sometimes collaborate on attending events at which we could sell our wares.)

I strongly believe in the value of scheduling what you want. 

Just like with affirmations, whenever you put a request out into the universe, beginning with you from the inside, it (the universe, God or Life, etc.) begins to set things up for you to receive it. 

I believe that the instant I wrote in my datebook that I would meet a new friend or partner, I began to change inside into that persun who could receive that. 
 I believe that outside circumstances also began to form themselves to me and my desire to have and be a friend to someone it would be easy for me to be friends with, which is no easy task, I’ll tell you!

As a persun with Bipolar and Posttraumatic Stress Disorders, it’s not easy for me to find and keep friends, particularly not now that I’m in a very challenging and transitional phase of my life. Or so I thought.
 But talking with this persun was super easy. 

 After I have a pleasant connection with someone my next thought is usually, “But I know at some point they’re gonna do something to piss me off, so I might as well not even get involved now,” and I stop engaging shortly after having made the initial connection. But I didn’t have that moment after talking with this persun. 

 I feel safe, like I can pace myself and enjoy an easy breezy friendship with this new friend. I can’t guarantee this from here and now, but I do feel confident I have what it takes, and that she’s easy enough to get along with, that I will be able to stay calm and breathe and make it to the next day of friendship.

Want something? 

Put it in your datebook (planner, or whatever you crazy kids are using these days in your smart gadgets)!

I promise you will see results, and when you do, please write to me about it!

Cassendre Xavier (aka Amethyste Rah, aka Amrita Waterfalls) is a self-described “multi-media healing artist” who has been writing, publishing, performing, recording and releasing her words and music in Philadelphia since 1990. She has been writing spirituality and personal growth articles at Wisdom Magazine’s online edition since 2009, is the founder and executive director of various community initiatives including the Black Women’s Arts Festival (est. 2003, at The Rotunda, Philadelphia) and Sisters Healing Together: A Peer Support Group for Women Survivors of Incest with a Special Focus on Compulsive Overeating (William Way LGBT Community Center, Philadelphia 1996-1999) and is a recipient of a $15,000 Leeway Transformation Award which “funds women and trans artists creating art and social change”. For more information, please visit http://cassEndrExavier.com

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