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Excerpt from "Divorceless Relationships"

What is Relationship Really?

by Gary Douglas

Relationship is defined as the distance between two objects. In other words, if you and I are in relationship, there has to be a separation between us—and we define our relationship by how close or far away we are from each other. When we create a relationship, we end up creating a separation from ourselves in an attempt to be close to somebody else. This is called monogamy.

Monogamy by definition is a relationship with one and no other. The problem with this is that we tend to create relationship in such a way that we are the one who gets cut out because we always look to make the other person happy.

What happens for most people is this: They see each other and they are totally being themselves and there is an awareness of who the other amazing person is. This usually lasts about ten seconds.

Then each of you starts to cut off the parts and pieces of you that you think are going to be judged as not acceptable in the relationship—and as you divorce parts of you to fit into the definition of the relationship you believe you desire, you create a divorce between you and the person you are with. They end up saying, “You are not the person I thought you were” and that is usually true, because you have divorced so much of yourself to try to make the relationship work.

Are you in an intimate relationship with someone? Ask yourself, “How many things am I willing to cut out of my life in order to be with that person?” Is it everything or nothing? Most of us spend a lot of time divorcing parts and pieces of us in order to care for someone else, and we give up caring for ourselves in the process. For example, you like to go jogging but instead of jogging, you spend that time with your partner as a way to show them you really care. “I love you so much that I would give up this thing that is valuable to me so I can be with you.” This is one of the ways you divorce you to create an intimate relationship.

We want to give up these parts of us because we believe that will keep us from losing the other person, but in so doing, we lose the other person anyway. When you give up any part of yourself, you give up what was so attractive about you to that other person and pretty soon the other person doesn’t want to be with you anymore.


Before we begin to show you how the tools of Access Consciousness work, there is something that has to be established. Are you aware that you are an infinite being?

Be willing to have this awareness. You are not just your body; your body isn’t what you are.

Exercise: Close your eyes (after you read this part, of course!). Now feel out with your awareness and find the outside edges of you. Not your body, the edges of YOU. Can you? Or everywhere you look, are you there? Yes, everywhere you look, there you are!

Okay. Open your eyes. The space that you were aware of when you were feeling out with your awareness—that space that is everywhere and infinite—is YOU. You are an infinite being.

So are you capable of being inside something as small as your body? Or does your body fit inside of you? Your body is inside of you; you are not inside your body. You cannot define an infinite being because as soon as you define it, it is no longer infinite. People say, “Well, if I am an infinite being, I should have a joyous, happy life. So why is my life screwed up? If I am an infinite being, how is it that I can’t afford rent? If I am an infinite being, how is it that I am unhappy most of the time?” Well, as you go through this book, you are going to find out why. You are going to find a lot of ways to unlock the joy, bliss and ecstasy that is infinite being.

All you need to know right now is that if you’re not choosing joy, bliss and ecstasy, there is a different option available. Wouldn’t it be nice if trauma and drama seemed irrelevant? Imagine someone saying, “Come on, you need to get into a fight with me!” And your viewpoint would be “Why would I spend that much energy?

Why would I spend the energy it takes to get depressed when I could just enjoy my day?” Are you aware that it takes energy to get depressed? You have to use a lot of energy to get depressed. That is weird, isn’t it? It feels like you have no energy when you are doing depression. Why is that? Because you are using it all to be depressed!

If you were truly being the infinite being you are, you and everything in your life would be intense and expansive. Remember when you were a kid. Was every day way too short and did it have too much in it? Have you ever noticed that kids have fun all the time? When you are choosing infinite beingness, you can have fun all the time, just like a kid.

In this contextual reality true joy, bliss and ecstasy may seem impossible but somewhere in your world, you know it is supposed to be different, don’t you? You must—or you wouldn’t be reading this book.

Tool: Would an Infinite Being Choose This?

This is the number one tool. Ask the question “Would an infinite being choose this?” If an infinite being wouldn’t choose it, then why would you?

The question is designed to get you to look at where you are functioning from. Yes, you are an infinite being but you are not functioning as an infinite being. You function as a finite being within the 10%. You don’t have to live in a constant state of destruction of you.

There is a different choice. You have to be willing to pay attention to what you say and what you think at every moment. Every time you say, “I feel I can’t…” or “This is so hard for me…” ask yourself, “Would an infinite being choose this?”

If an infinite being wouldn’t choose it, then perhaps you may wish to choose differently!

The only reason you are choosing something that an infinite being wouldn’t choose is to make yourself finite and to create a disaster in your life. You didn’t know you liked creating disaster, did you? Literally, you are creating the disasters in your life. You keep assuming “I wouldn’t create this if I had another choice!” Is that really true?

The truth is that you are the creator of everything in your life. This is very good news because if you created it, you can uncreate and change it too! Asking “Would an infinite being choose this?” invites you to look at what is going on for you and brings you the awareness of what you can be or do that will change it. When you claim, own and acknowledge your creations without judgment, you bring back all the parts and pieces of you that you have divorced and you acknowledge your infinite perceiving, knowing, being and receiving.

Perceiving, Knowing, Being and Receiving

Knowing, perceiving, being and receiving are what you are as an infinite being. Thoughts, feelings, emotions, sex or no sex are the lower harmonic of those things. They keep you in contextual reality and the 10%.

Total consciousness is our innate being. If we destroy everything that doesn’t allow that to show up, it will manifest as more awareness. You as the infinite being will always show up as more of the infinite being you are. This is the reason for using the tools and for doing the clearings you will find in this book.

Thoughts and Knowing

Have you ever tried to think yourself out of a problem? Does it ever really work? Or do you just tie yourself into knots? You tie yourself into knots because thinking requires effort and contraction. If you knew, you wouldn’t have to think things through. All you would have to do is tap into the infinite knowledge that’s available to us all. Have you ever had moments where you just knew something? What’s faster? Thinking or knowing?

If you are thinking you are stinking. Your mind can only define the limitations of what you already know and have. It doesn’t open doors to the world of possibilities; it only defines what you cannot be, do, have, create or generate. It will never show you what is possible in life. Your mind is a terrible thing; waste it.

Feeling and Perceiving

Perception is like the wind. It moves and changes. Perception is about being aware of energies; perception is fleeting. Perception gives you awareness of what you can choose and how that will change things energetically. If you are willing to have infinite perception, then you have infinite choice. Perception is large. It’s like a giant field where wheat is growing. The wind blows the wheat and you can see it undulating into different forms as the wind strikes it. The more perception you have, the greater your picture of what’s occurring in the world.

We have the capacity to perceive the whole world the way we perceive the wheat field, but instead we try to feel some way about it so we can define it, which we think will enable us to control it and keep it in a context that makes sense to us. When you try to twist your awareness into feeling, you are trying to make it solid so that you can do something with it.

Most feelings and emotions are about a negative point of view, not about a positive thing. They seldom contribute to expanding your awareness or your reality. That’s because in order to create feeling, we must cut off our awareness.

Emotions and Being

Thoughts, feelings, emotions, sex or no-sex are the lower harmonics of being, perceiving, knowing and receiving. They are the limited version of these. If you are functioning as an infinite being, then you have an infinite capacity to experience everything and you don’t have to define it, confine it and put it into a place where it makes sense according to someone else’s point of view. You are simply aware that you have these things. Most people start out as little kids with giant perceptions of things and they’re told, “That is not so.” They are trained to put things in context with feelings.

As a child, I would perceive something and mention it to my mother.

She would say, “Oh, that person is feeling sad.”

What I felt was far greater than sadness. It was far more than anything that had been perceived as sadness. But when she said it had to be defined as sadness, I thought, “I must be wrong. I must not understand this. I must have a misconception,” and I began to cut off my awareness of all the other things that were going on so I could define my perceptions according to my mother’s description. I put my perception into the slot she had defined it as. We tend to do this with the people we are close to.

People say things like, “Oh, I am so hurt by what you said!”

Are they really hurt? Or is that a way of proving that they are being something? They define themselves as the emotion. They are being highly emotional. They use the trauma and the drama of things to prove that they are actually being something. They think that if they are hurt, upset, angry or whatever, that’s who they are. No. That’s just a fragment of who and what they are….

…When you are functioning from true being and awareness, you don’t have to try to prove things with your emotions.

Gary Douglas used his degree in psychology towards the founding of Access Consciousness. He has grown his company to 49 countries with over 2000 facilitators. A businessman of great magnitude, Gary has authored numerous books including, Money Is Not the Problem You Are and also Right Riches for You. Gary travels the world sharing his expertise on Sex & Relationships. This father of four children may be 70 years old, but he still rides wild stallions and says life is just beginning. Access Consciousness®, created by Gary Douglas, is a life-transforming organization that recently celebrating its international expansion into its 49th country. A simple set of tools, techniques and philosophies that allow you to create dynamic change in every area of your life, with your body and with yourself, Access provides you with a step-by-step way to become totally aware and learn to trust the most important person, you. Founded by Gary Douglas more than 25 years ago, Access Consciousness now has 1,475 facilitators in 49 countries with Venezuela, Malta, Columbia, Brazil, Aruba, Japan, Puerto Rico, Luxembourg, Finland, Serbia and Botswana joining in the last five months. Mr. Douglas travels extensively facilitating advanced Access Consciousness workshops across the globe. Their “Access Bars” program is one of the world’s fastest-growing modalities with many CEOs and sports stars, such as former NFL running back Ricky Williams, embracing these life-changing tools. Access Bars is particularly popular in Australia where the programs have been used in schools, business, and even the prison system. Access Consciousness also recently announced that a date has been set for the first annual “Global Bars” Day. Through a live podcast on January 6th, 2014 tens of thousands of people worldwide will connect in a first-of-its-kind experience.

Purchase Information:

Divorceless Relationships book and audio book can be purchased via the Access Shop or on Amazon.

Purchase via Access shop: http://www.accessconsciousnesspublishing.com/divorceless-relationships/

Purchase via Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Divorceless-Relationships-Gary-M-Douglas/dp/193926104X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1379466901&sr=8-1&keywords=divorceless+relationships

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