Excerpt from "Secrets of Love for Everyone"
Everything You Need to Know to Have an Amazing Relationship
by Johanna Kern
All right, it isn’t a secret anymore: yes, I am older. I am much older than my husband and we have the most amazing relationship you can imagine. And it’s NOT by fluke.
There are no lucky coincidences when it comes to loving. We don’t choose who we love, we simply love.
Now the real question here is: what is Love about, and how does it translate into happiness in life? Because it does. Yes, there are people who would tell you that Love is about suffering, losing your freedom, compromising and heartbreak. Really? Just think about it: is Love causing your suffering, or is it the lack of Love that causes you to be unhappy?
Love and happiness go hand in hand. Yes, they do. You never suffer because of Love. You only suffer when your expectations are not being met – whatever they might be.
Expectations. It is a really huge and important topic, isn’t it? Yes, we will talk about that as well in this book.
We will talk about Love and its secrets, and we will talk about relationships. We will also talk about our relationship with Love, and our relationship with ourselves. Loving and caring. Romance and sex. Understanding and supporting. Compromising and freedom. Growing and evolving.
Yes. All of the above and more. Because Love is a growing process, there is nothing finite about Love and loving. The only thing that will never change is that Love IS power. Lack of Love IS lack of power. Do you want to bet? I did. And it wasn't really about winning the bet. When I won, I won Love. Because when it comes to Love, everyone wins if you learn the secrets of Love.
Secret 1
LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO LOVE
To seek, or not to seek a Soul Mate,
That IS the question
The one and only. Our Soul Mate. The one we want to live with, get old with and never part with. The one who brings happiness in our life and makes everything all right. The one who is worth seeking among the billions of people occupying our globe. Our Love, our beloved, our sunshine, pumpkin, cupcake, honey, darling, our better half, our king, our queen, angel, Mr. Right, Prince Charming, tiger, teddy bear, the Love of my life.
The list of love nicknames we can use to address or describe the person we love goes on and on. And for some people, the search for a Soul Mate goes on and on. They believe that among billions of people on our planet there is, somewhere, only one destined for them and they may find that person one day. So they wouldn’t settle for anybody else.
There are numerous theories about how to find and recognize that person. There is also much talk about how it feels when you meet them: the magnetism between the two of you that is hard to explain, the bond that is already there as if somehow, magically, you were connected even before you met. You perfectly understand each other, accept each other, support and make each other feel good. You are inseparable, committed from the start, and can’t imagine your life without him/her.
Oh, I know. What a beautiful, compelling and enchanting story it is. Yes. And that’s what we want for ourselves. All of us, even those who wouldn’t admit it. We want to have that perfect fairy tale come true for us and we want to meet the person that can make us feel that way.
Guess what, you might have already met the “one”. Except there were no “bells” and no magical signs associated with that.
Just think about it: attraction from the first sight, magnetism, longing for their presence, having fun together and wanting to spend more time with them? That happens to us when we have a crush on someone for the first time in our life. Or the second time. Or the third one, and so on.
These are not the signs of true Love. These are the signs of being strongly attracted to a person we find interesting and exciting. And we may feel that kind of attraction not just once in a lifetime but several, or even many times.
When we are attracted to someone, we will do anything in our power to make that person feel good, and we want to keep their attention. Unless of course we have some unresolved emotional problems and treat those whom we desire in an unpredictable, malicious way. But let’s not dwell on that in this chapter. We will come back later to such a case.
Yes, from a strong attraction a beautiful Love can evolve. And, yes, a strong attraction can simply wear off over time. Just as a short-lasting infatuation rooted in a sexual passion, a strong attraction to someone for whatever reason we find that person special – is not a true Love.
Then do we, or do we not have a Soul Mate that is worth looking for?
When my husband Patrick and I first met a long time ago, we had no idea that one day we will have a beautiful marriage, filled to the brim with Love and happiness. We were not attracted to each other, and in our wildest dreams we couldn’t imagine being together. And then all of that changed several years ago. What happened? What caused that switch from being just friends to an almost overnight shift to a deep connection, which couldn’t be shaken or broken despite all the circumstances? It certainly wasn’t related to the age gap between us, because that gap has not changed over time. I am much older, and it isn’t widely accepted in today’s society for an older woman to find true Love with a younger man. The opposite, that is, relations between much older men and younger women have been approved by society’s standards for centuries, and no one has a really big problem with that, even if some people still would make a face about it. However, older women are not usually expected to be desirable, or likely to find true Love. Are we coming back here to the worn out point of view that the purpose of Love is reproduction? Love is, because it is. It may or may not involve producing offspring, and the age of the woman has certainly nothing to do with that. Many young couples choose not to have any children at all.
In general, there isn’t still much understanding of what Love really is, as there isn’t much understanding of what true human nature really is. Our opinions tend to be based on our subconscious programming with which we have been imprinted in our formative years or early youth.
Depending on where we come from and what our backgrounds are – we keep repeating the patterns of our caregivers, society, or the belief system we grew up with. We tend to run on automatic pilot and not to think much about anything, unless there is a need for that. Or, unless we start to evolve, come out of our shell or simply – fall in love. Because when we fall in love – nothing else matters. We see that person for who they truly are: a beautiful human being whom we love and admire, and for whom we want the very best.
Love opens our eyes to true human nature: the core of us which is free from any programming and subconscious shadows (our dark side we may not be aware of). Our pure Heart knows only beauty and harmony. Our pure Heart is filled with joy and love for life.
That is who we all are, deep inside. And when we see ourselves through the eyes of Love, we see nothing else but perfection. When we really love someone, it doesn’t matter whether they are young or old, skinny or round, what kind of facial features they have, what is the color of their skin, where they were born, and – for those who are gay – whether they are “our type of a man, or a woman” or not. True Love sees a person for who they truly are: a beautiful human.
Now, does that sound like finding your Soul Mate is simply finding true Love?
And, in that case, do you think that among the billions of people on the planet you can find only one person that you could truly love?
If your answer is “no”, you can stop looking for your Soul Mate. Just open your heart and see what happens. Love your life, enjoy your own beautiful nature, and when you least expect it – your true Love will look deep into your eyes, surprising you and yet making you feel that what happens between you and that person in front of you, is exactly right.
And if you believe that you need to find the perfect person who will meet all of your expectations, as you listed them in your head or on a piece of paper – your search for a Soul Mate may never end. You are not looking for true Love. You are looking for Love by Design. Or it may be that you are not ready for a real relationship and only “fish around” or find excuses for not being closely involved with someone, whatever the reasons may be. In that case, you will never settle for anyone at all, unless you explore the reasons behind your quest for the perfect one. It also could be that you will indeed find someone who meets your criteria. Perhaps you will have a happy relationship with them. Or – perhaps not.
Love includes, not excludes.
Love allows everyone in, doesn’t push away anyone.
Love is always here, available to you all the time. Who you will share Love with – depends on a deeper, much more profound reason than who you think will be the best partner for you.
Are you ready to find out what Love really is?
You have reached for this text, so I can assume you are searching for what Love can teach you.
That’s right. Love can teach you a lot about yourself and the world you live in.
One of the secrets of Love is that it knows you better than you know yourself, better than you can imagine. It will show you the sides of you that you didn’t even know existed.
True Love will bring up the most beautiful things in you. But it also will show you what you shoved deep down inside, and why. Why you suppressed everything that hurts, everything that you don’t like about yourself and don’t want to deal with. It will help you to heal what needs to be healed. It will shake you, break you, and it will put you back together in a new and rewarding way.
True Love may come unexpectedly and present itself in a shape and form you haven’t expected.
Your Soul Mate might not be exactly who you are looking for.
It might be a very different person than you would imagine.
Oh, and let’s not forget about that: true Love will make you grow. Very much so. And it doesn’t matter what kind of experience you have, what kind of knowledge, education, business or academic achievements you hold under your belt. Love will teach you new things. Things that you wouldn’t be able to learn outside of the “realm of true Love”.
The Love my husband and I share opens my eyes to new things every day. That’s right: EVERY DAY. Oh, yes, he is my Soul Mate – but not by the definition that he was the only one in the world waiting for me to be found. But because he and I decided that what we have is too precious to become merely a bandage for our needs and wants – like it happens with many relationships. We decided to commit to letting our connection turn into true Love.
How did we decide that?
We both knew in our hearts that Love is always here, surrounding us at all times. So we opened our hearts to the energy of Love in a harmonized silent agreement and there it was: true Love filled us up.
Your Soul Mate is simply a person who on a deeper, you might say “soul level”, shares with you the energy of true Love. Finding true Love doesn’t happen intellectually and it doesn’t happen on an emotional level. Your readiness for Love begins with your willingness.
If you just want to feel good about yourself in a relationship, or feel the romantic excitement, the “bells”, the magic of being with someone, to escape loneliness, to find happiness, to end the emptiness etc. – you are not ready for true Love. There is nothing wrong with what you want. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a nicer, better life. But expecting that by finding someone to love you will fulfill your need for happiness – is not only missing the point, but naive. Your happiness is up to you. You don’t need anyone to feel happy. You can be happy despite any circumstances. True happiness is a state of mind – not a feeling. The joy or excitement you sometimes feel are emotions, not happiness. Nobody will serve you happiness on a plate. Because happiness is not a thing to be given. When we say that someone makes us happy, we simply mean that we enjoy what the person does and we like spending our time with them.
Happiness is not a thing to give, and Love is not something that comes and goes.
Happiness is, because it is – for no reason at all.
Love is, because it is – without any reasons.
Happiness and Love are like air – always available to you. To take the air in, you need to inhale it, that is – you need to open up your nostrils, or your mouth. To take happiness and Love in – you need to open your heart and mind.
Your Soul Mate will not provide you with Love and happiness.
Your Soul Mate will share Love and happiness with you.
When will that happen?
When you stop seeking what Love is not and open yourself to what Love may be in your life – the person who will be ready for what you are ready for will become known to you.
And, yes. You can decide that the person is your Soul Mate. Your true Love. The one and only. The one who wants to know Love with you.
It can also happen when you are already in a relationship, and it isn’t going very well. If both of you decide to stay together and give it another try to see where “things will take you” – and if you are both ready to explore the possibility of finding new ways of relating. It could indeed lead you to finding a connection that will turn into true Love. And to your own surprise the person who annoyed you, now becomes the person you enjoy the most.
Soul Mates come not only in different shapes and forms. They also become known to us when we least expect true Love to enter our life, or don’t even want to expect that to happen, because we are already filled with Love from the inside, and don’t feel we need anyone.
Soul Mates are not here to give us Love. They are here to be with us in the energy of Love.
Johanna Kern, transformational teacher and multiple award-winning author, many years ago suddenly began to experience regular spontaneous trances in which she was receiving the teachings from an ancient Master. Her story received international attention, winning praise by readers in North America and Europe, and endorsement by three world-renowned experts in the fields of psychology, the study of dreams & hypnosis, psychophysiology, parapsychology, psi, human development, neuro-computing etc.: Stanley Krippner, Ph.D., Jerry Solfvin, Ph.D., and Brian Van der Horst. Johanna Kern helps people to find their own power and progress in all areas of their lives: life and career paths, health and emotional problems, family issues, relationships and spirituality. For more information visit: https://johannakern.com and https://www.facebook.com/JohannaKernAuthor
The award-winning book, “Secrets of Love for Everyone: Everything You Need to Know To Have an Amazing Relationship” – by Johanna Kern © 2018. Paperback is available on Amazon and other major online retailers around the world – in English, German and Polish languages. For electronic version go here: https://store.johannakern.com/product/secrets-of-love-for-everyone-e-book/
Add Comment