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Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us: Faster Results in 3 Easy Steps

by Cassendre Xavier


As a 46 year-young polyamorous womon, who has been studying soulmate attraction since the late 90s, I have enjoyed over 20 years of joyously bringing new romantic companions into my life! I am grateful to have a learned and practiced a lot of tips from my peers as well as from my lovers themselves. While there are a few basic tenets we know in dating, including the value of confidence and reasonable persistence, there also are three of the most powerful and effective techniques I’ve found worked particularly well for me. I’d like to share with you:

1) Feel and live as if your ideal mate is already in your life.
Think about all the reasons you want a mate. Think about how you want to feel when you have this ideal partner. Think about what activities you’d like to participate in when you have this ideal mate. Feel those ways now. Start one of those activities now. When you start to feel and act as though you already have your ideal relationship, certain things will come to you confirm that you’re on the right track. 

 The key isn’t to do all the things you’d be doing with an ideal mate, but to start doing and feeling them one at a time. It’s in the step by step actions that miracles happen and the breakthroughs come. You never know who you will meet when you’re out there doing what you’re Divinely Guided to do. Taking action is one of the best ways to manifest your partner! You want to feel so good that romance will be extra. Just a pleasant little surprise.  You don’t want to need a partner – you want to want one. The ideal feeling, in a phrase, is “I would love…[someone to share blissful moments with]” but the key is to create those blissful moments solo. And if you want someone to help you during challenging times – start increasing your self-care during challenging times. Or help someone else or do something different to show you value yourself as a single persun. The more you live a happy and fulfilled life as thought you may never meet the one – the more attractive you will be to the one.

2) Make a list of the traits you’d like your ideal partner to have. Write down all the things you want your partner to have and be like, especially things you think are odd and that no one else would be interested in. Those are the things that make you and your next partner ideally suited for one another – and most likely they are looking for someone who is looking for what you’re looking for, too! Be specific, but don’t be unflexible about everything. It helps to show the list to a close friend and/or ex-lover. 

 Be sure to include important things such as having you both live close enough together, their being single and available, and their being a sexual orientation that is compatible with yours! Writing things down is a surefire and time-tested method of speeding up manifesting your desires.

3) Visualize what you can offer to your partner – and imagine how good they’ll feel when you are with them, enhancing their life. We become more attractive when we are giving rather than receiving. When I played music in Suburban Station in the early 2000s, one of the first things I’d do after setting up and as I started singing my first songs, was say a prayer and visualize that my voice be a blessing to the hearts of all who heard it. I offered joy and happiness, and made sure that I sang to make myself happy as I kept offering this joy. I attracted much business, positive attention, and tips. 

 When we’re looking for a mate, it’s too easy to focus on what they’ll do for us – how they’ll add value to our lives. But we would do far better to focus, especially in the beginning of our manifesting exercises, on what we have to offer them. What about you is special? What energies, skills, and/or resources are you willing to share with your mate? Are you affectionate, sweet, patient, energetic? Imagine your mate really appreciating all your best qualities. Imagining your new sweetie smiling and feeling so grateful for having you in their life is a wonderful way to speed up their arrival.

Have fun and remember – you are your own best friend and lover!


Cassendre Xavier has been writing the "Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us" series at Wisdom Magazine's online edition since 2011. She is the author of the forthcoming book Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us: Dating & Relationships for the Poly, Recovering, Survivor & Tantric, and has presented her workshop of the same title at Sisterspace Weekend in Darlington, Maryland (September 5-7, 2014) and the 10th Annual Poly Living Conference in Philadelphia 2015 (February 20-22). Cassendre has been living with bipolar depression her whole life, been a member of Philadelphia's LGBT, polyamorous, and New Age communities since 1991, and from 1996-1999 facilitated Sisters Healing Together, a peer support group for women survivors of incest with a special focus on compulsive overeating, which she also founded, at the William Way LGBT Community Center in Philadelphia. Cassendre is the creator of the popular Affirmations for Survivors guided meditation audio series (“Self-Love” and “Spirituality” were released in 2007; “Sexuality” and “Life Skills” are forthcoming in Spring 2015). For more information, please visit   http://cassEndrExavier.com


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