What if I told you that you are good enough right now, exactly as you are? Would you believe me? I would venture to say that most people who pick up this book would have to answer with a resounding "No." I would also venture to say that, just as I used to do, you might be placing certain arbitrary conditions on your worth and your value as a human being, such as your appearance, finances, social accomplishments, or any number of conditions that may be unique to your situation.
What do you believe would make you good enough right now? Think about this for a moment and then go ahead and fill in the blank. Do you first need to look a certain way? Do you first need a lover (for the rest of your life)? Do you need to make some sort of accomplishment in society? If you can answer yes to any of those conditions, do you
really believe that once those conditions are met then you will be good enough? Guess what? If you believe that any outer condition will create your worth — the worth that you feel you don’t have right now — then you believe a pure lie.
What about after you reach your goal? What happens when you actually achieve whatever you have deemed to make you worthy? What about after that time? Will you then be afraid of losing what or who you are? And what if you did? Would you then suddenly go back to being worthless or not as worthy as you were five minutes before that loss?
The Name Game
You most likely find yourself playing the name game in your mind on a regular basis, and I can fully relate because I used to deceive myself in the same way when I believed I was not yet good enough. The names of all the things I needed to be happy were: the perfect weight, secure finances, a boyfriend, a husband, a new home, a nicer car, prettier jewelry, social status, oh, and of course looking like a cover model was mandatory. Well, I may not look like a cover model now, but there was a time when I was a model and I was miserable! I was more insecure when I was at the height of physical beauty years ago than I ever was before in my life or have been since. Oh, you may be thinking, Sure, it’s easy for her to talk; she’s an author, what does she know about struggling? Unfortunately, I happen to be more familiar with struggling than I would like to remember. I struggled when I did not have money to buy food and feed my children on my weekend visitation. I struggled with weight. I struggled in romantic relationships that were emotionally painful. I struggled to somehow find myself. I struggled with thinking that if only I were a famous actress, then I would be "somebody." I struggled to uproot each of those false beliefs, because even though I did not remain in my acting career, I still worked on the set of major motion pictures and CBS sitcoms, and I still did not feel worthy. So then I thought that once I became an author I would be important and thus feel worthy. Well, when my first book was published and I received a box full of copies of my book, I actually cried that night. I thought I would feel elated, thrilled, and celebratory. No. I felt lonely, and if you think a box of paperback books with my name on the cover made me feel worthy, I can let you know right now that they did not.
Conditions of Worth
I felt no more worthy or better about myself when that first box was delivered than I did the day before. I realized and learned that our worth, this elusive quality so many search for, can never, ever be obtained from outside of us. If it could be, we would all be buying it.
And isn’t that what we’re actually doing so many times when we buy certain things? I used to shop unlike anyone I had ever met, so I can tell you firsthand that buying the latest styles, clothing, handbags, and jewelry didn’t do a darn thing to satisfy what my head perceived as a condition that would make me more worthy.
I learned that opening my heart, sharing painful lessons with others, and finding it in my soul to dig out pure worth was a long and arduous process. It took me years to undo all of the low self worth so that I could feel equal to you.
You Are Equal
I bet you didn’t expect me to say that. I believe you would be surprised to learn that practically throughout my entire life I was trying to be equal to you. You are a member of the human race, and for about four decades I felt less than the rest of the human race. This means I felt less than you! Oh, you don’t believe me? Do you think that you couldn’t possibly be a person I would want to feel equal to? I’m sorry to burst your ego, but if you are a breathing human being, then I can assure you that I did not feel equal to or as good as I perceived you to be because I believed I was a nothing — a nobody. I believed I was nobody because this was what I had been called while growing up.
So I went on a mad search for about three decades to see where or how or through whom I could fill that inner void. Have you been on this search too? Oh, you have! Well, then you must know how draining it is, don’t you? If you have also been on this search, then I’m positive that just when you thought a certain condition would make you feel worthy, the illusion would burst with what your mind falsely perceived to be the truth: that you were still unworthy.
Yes, we have been on this quest for a long time.
We were raised in a society and culture that awards the rich and beautiful. But guess what? Even many people who are rich and beautiful are miserable! I know this because I was raised this way along with nearly all of my family. Just about everyone was rich, beautiful, and insecure. So many of my relatives looked like they had it all at times, as did I. Yet we still did not feel good enough about ourselves when all the perfect outer layers were peeled away.
Maybe a new boat would do it? No, that didn’t work. What about when I lost all of that weight after giving birth? Well, I was skinny, but I was still insecure and unhappy. Maybe a new boyfriend would have done the trick. No, that just caused a lot of ups and downs, along with too many nights of crying myself to sleep. Oh, I know, Bloomingdales must be the answer! No, I’m ashamed to admit how much I once spent in Bloomingdales when I was eighteen years old. Even then I was ashamed at how many thousands of dollars I spent on sweaters alone, and I still didn’t feel good enough. How many sweaters, you may be wondering? In 1980 I spent five thousand dollars on sweaters alone to prepare to go to college in Switzerland.
This poor little rich girl still felt as worthless as many people do who are reading this book right now. It wasn’t money or more things that helped me to feel equal to you, and that is the purpose of this book — to help you learn how to feel good enough right now, at this moment, exactly as you are … and I really do mean this from my heart.
About the Author
Barbara Rose, PhD is the bestselling author of sixteen books and a world renowned expert in personal transformation, and spiritual communication. She is a pioneering force in incorporating Higher Self Communication, the nondenominational study and integration of humanity’s God Nature into modern personal growth and spiritual evolution. Dr. Rose is known for providing life changing answers, quick practical coaching and deep spiritual wisdom to people worldwide. She is the Founder of International Institute of Higher Self Communication with a subscriber base spanning over 175 countries. She is highly sought after for the life transforming spiritual wisdom that flows through her, with a six month waiting list for client sessions. Her highly acclaimed spiritual work is widely published internationally transforming the lives of millions across the globe. Dr. Rose works in cooperation with some of the greatest spiritual leaders of our time to uplift the spiritual consciousness of humanity. Her website is BornToInspire.com.
Exclusive Excerpt © Copyright 2009 by Barbara Rose, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved. Re-printed with permission from the book Being Enough NOW ISBN-13: 9780978895525 (Rose Group, July 2009.)