Divine Wisdom From Michele Livingston

Hi Rachael,

Although I am not a child psychologist, I do have a Master’s Degree in education with many years of experience teaching children. I also consulted my spirit guides on this subject.

In regards to your question about your daughter, most people we are presently with on the earth plane, we’ve had some relationship with at a previous time in history. These people can be friends, neighbors, lovers, spouses, relatives, in-laws, teachers and so on. We are born in mass "soul groups" with those who we’ve known before in past lives. I believe the soul is eternal and we choose to incarnate again and again to learn certain soul lessons and be aware of areas we need to work on (like trust issues, patience and tolerance to name a few). Since some of us have had hundreds of lives, we’ve touched and loved many others, but with some we have experienced trials and dissention. Before we are born we make "soul agreements" with each other and choose our parents, siblings, spouses and children among others; and make agreements to play roles with them. We choose our sex, date of birth and time to pass (along with our spirit guides help). So, your daughter chose you and her father to learn specific soul lessons, and to teach you lessons as well.

You say toward the end of your question that you don’t want her to have to rely on anyone when she is of age. The formative years are 1 to 5, and our lives are usually shaped and developed emotionally by how we are treated during these years. A child needs guidance and love along with discipline. As a parent, sometimes we unknowingly mirror in our children our own inadequacies or fears. You don’t mention the parenting of her father. Are you still together? A father’s role in guidance and discipline is crucial for a child at a young age. Were your mother and father together when you were growing up? Were they emotionally available for you? In other words, examine your own childhood and see how it correlates with your treatment of your daughter. There might be an underlying current of animosity or apprehension within you, not just with your daughter, but with difficult situations that may have occurred in your past.

Sometimes, when we feel helpless or out of control, we lash out at those who we’re close to. Shouting and yelling can create a spiral of negative energy around a relationship. If you are here to learn "patience" then your daughter might be fulfilling her soul contract by helping you learn it. If you want independence for her, then possibly you are fulfilling your soul agreement with her. Even though you love your daughter, your actions towards her may seem slightly fear-based and frustrated. This does not mean that you don’t love your daughter or want to protect her. Something might be triggering your reactions to her. Are you afraid of losing her? Are you trying to over compensate for your own childhood? She is a small child, only seven years old, and yet you say you are growing apart.

First, try to control your emotions and not become angry. Next, look objectively as to why you’re reacting in this way to her behavior. Then try "behavior modification." It seems to work every time! This technique has to do with your daughter seeing an end result or reward for good behavior. If she does what she’s told, she receives something she really wants (within reason) like a toy or having a friend visit. Start with a small allowance program, so she can learn independence and buy her own things at the store. She will learn the value of money and be conscious of her own behavior. The allowance program could start with a dollar or two a week and go from there. The days she disrespects you or does not listen, then no rewards. This is one way to train a child to respect you without screaming or threatening. This is not bribery, because the child is made aware of his or her actions and will consciously try to change them. A child sometimes has to be motivated to be well behaved. Some children misbehave for attention, or because one of the parents is possibly ignoring them. And yes, discipline is important, but love and patience is the key towards a healthier relationship with your daughter.

Next, do more special activities with your daughter. Try to spend quality time with her. If her father is in her life, talk to him about his role regarding taking on responsibilities and discipline. For a larger reward for good behavior after a month or so, take her to a fun movie or amusement park. Remember, a child’s attention span at that age is limited, so try to give rewards as soon as possible. There are many ways to mold a child’s behavior. Do more things together, appreciate what she does for you and try not to show anger. Words of love and rewards for good behavior will shift your relationship from one of irritability and resentment to one of bonding, sharing and respect. Hope this helps. Blessings,

Michele

Readers can prearrange one-on-one phone sessions or in person readings with Michele. She also presents "Messages from Beyond" seminars throughout the northeastern USA, and she has authored five books that are available on-line at her website or by calling 717-737-3888.