Soul Connections: Self-Betrayal or Self-Love?

It seems that self-love is the ultimate cure for all woes. When we fully love ourselves everything falls into place. The development of self-love is not simply an abstract positive self-affirmation but rather a deep heart sensation of self-adoration. It’s customary to express love for others. But do we look in the mirror each day and address ourselves the same way...with feeling? Do we cherish our reflection? How far are we willing to take this self-love assignment? Is it embarrassing to be deeply in love with yourself? Fearful that self-regard leads to ego inflation, we distantly love ourselves with a clinical detachment designed to stem the ego’s hunger for self-importance. Yet loving union with self is essential for total transformation.

Wishy-washy levels of loving ourselves the way we would "love" a good movie, new outfit or great meal is not the point. We’re required to cherish ourselves the way we love a spouse/lover, child, best friend...and then some. True love is a vigorous chi force that fills the heart and overflows in all directions. Does your heart swell with amazing love that holds you in a sea of unconditional fondness and acceptance regardless of shortcomings? Do you experience the faithful love needed for a happy marriage with self?

True love inclusively embraces ALL parts of self without ridicule or dismissal. This allows us to feel safe and valued within a sea of inner peace. Are your self-assessments done in the spirit of unconditional love or in judgmental self-abuse? We need to bring attention to the quality of love we offer self. Mechanistic self-love — like giving a perfunctory disinterested peck on the check to our mate — feeds self-inflicted wounds of neglect and diminishment. We assume that self-love is just a trite New Age platitude that carries no impact. But it actually has a chemical affect that sweetens, soothes, warms and softens the psyche.

Self-love lays the foundation for making the emerging shift in consciousness with full metamorphosis into the One Heart of our collective global Being. Without unconditional self-love, regardless of imperfections/shortcomings, we can’t experience full communion with others. To love only parts of ourselves tethers us to the third dimensional consciousness of duality. The sensation of deep tender love for self eliminates life’s harsh overtones and lubricates the journey of transformation. Let’s enumerate all the parts of ourselves that we already truly love....and daily add to that list. Do you even dare to love your shadow!

Everyone agrees that it’s important to be steadfastly loving with the special people in our lives. We try to avoid breaking promises/vows, cut them slack, remind them of their goodness when they’re riddled with self-doubt, hold a positive mirror and not double-cross their trust. Yet, we don’t hold the same standards for our relationship with self. During internal conflicts does an overriding voice of love insure fair treatment of self?

The absence of self-love leads to self-betrayal. Examples of this are when we treat ourselves as secondary citizens, diminish our qualities/talents/gifts, refrain from speaking our truth, break the vows made to feed our soul, are disloyal to authenticity, are eaten up by cancerous discouragement, give ourselves over to others who don’t have our best interest at heart, refrain from acting on passions, settle for a mediocre existence, shelve our dreams, wait for life to be over, look in the mirror — not as an opportunity to lovingly adore self — but rather to throw the acid of self-hatred into our face.

Most children aren’t told their rights. This creates fertile ground for self-betrayal in adulthood. Self-betrayal springs from believing that who we are and what we need is not OK with the world and Source. This hotbed of doubt trashes our convictions and rights. We fear rejection, banishment and loss of connection with others if we attempt to be true to ourselves —dreading a backlash to uncensored self-expression and/or self-advocacy.

The need to prove to ourselves that we’re worthy of love is an attempt to overcome the illusionary sense of valuelessness. Instead we need to trust ourselves, regardless of mistakes and blindness. This base supports the ability to embrace whatever needs improvement from a state of joyful acceptance and eagerness to grow....not from shame, humiliation, diminishment. Otherwise we’re filled with contempt — ready to dismiss ourselves because we don’t count or even exist. Self-betrayal knows no bounds. It relentlessly slays the soul by decimating any delicate shoots of fresh self-love.

Self-betrayal prevails when we’re buried in work, obligations, rules, expectations — as if our life doesn’t belong to us. Far removed from loving ourselves, we’re too busy reacting to whatever we employ to keep us at arms length from our heart. It’s scary to witness the ratio between self-love and self-betrayal. How often do you turn against yourself?

We may straddle the bridge between self-love and self-betrayal — not daring to unconditionally embrace our needs, reactions, dreams, essence and yet being sick to death of the nauseating feeling that arises when we desert ourselves. But today’s accelerated energies are pushing us into full self-commitment. If we don’t back up expressed needs with self-love, our energy is dispersed, weakened by ambivalence without the boon of love-filled chi that establishes existential rights. Then we backslide into asking others for permission to be ourselves and/or have what we need. Others usually respond to this lack of self-love by not honoring our request. Why should they give us a sanction that we withhold from ourselves?

We need to stand in for ourselves on a fierce bedrock of self-love — the kind of concentrated love force that wouldn’t allow someone to hurt our child or pet. The degree to which we don’t know or trust our rights — making too many concessions and/or stating needs in a way that lacks punch — fuels self-betrayal and the inclination to blame others for stepping on us. We adhere to an insidious "safety" by erring on the side of fairness which usually results in a sickening injustice to self.

Self-betrayal runs amuck when we don’t take time to inquire into our process — feelings, thoughts, needs — as we would with a loved one in whom we’re passionately interested. We’re too precious to withhold the kind of sympathetic/compassionate focused attention to self that we so lovingly lavish on beloveds.

Self -betrayal feeds illusions of unworthiness/undeservedness as if we are second-rate to everything. When we don’t bring self-love to areas of perceived inferiority — are devoid of the self-love required to persistently manifest our dreams — we forsake ourselves. Instead we settle for less while cheering others on to go the distance in their lives. Although willing to accommodate our beloved’s ups and downs, we don’t give ourselves that leeway. Ironically, this undermines the soul. If that intolerance was directed toward others, we’d have no relationships!

Self-love provides a firm platform for the soul based on a self-trust that clearly defines boundaries. This substantiation of self allows us to be flexible with others because we can count on lovingly representing our soul in all negotiations. Then we’re free to be generous with others. Self-love expands esteem, vision, potential, acceptance, inspiration. It’s a unique and glorious moment when we look in the mirror and overflow with love for who we see. The heavens rejoice and all doors open.

Emanating love, the Tibetan teaches:

"An ambassador of the genius inherent in Divine Love, the heart is the most trustworthy compass for meaningful guidance into the Mystery of Transformation. It synthesizes the Path into the emerging consciousness. When the heart’s natural overflowing love is contracted in relationship to self, this conductor of wisdom becomes unreliable. The heart’s directives are easily misinterpreted when qualifying conditions are placed on one’s love for self.

"Evolution requires openness to the heart’s TOTAL acceptance of self — all self-judgment expelled. Otherwise, the student feels disconnected from the vital source that advances compassion, regeneration, grace. Please release the fallacy that it’s more spiritual to love others than self. This misconception feeds the illusion of separation and results in countless forms of self-betrayal — as if Source can’t possibly utterly love Its offspring.

"Self-betrayal cheats the soul. To disallow love for self — replacing it with self-loathing— thwarts the soul’s opportunity to heal and evolve. Don’t presume that only the personality/ego is betrayed when loving vows to self are broken. The soul is viciously violated by betrayal’s neglect, withholding, criticism, shame. This soul wounding saturates the Path with an unnecessary suffering that the student interprets as required penance for unworthiness. Why create such needless unhappiness when the simple act of daily filling the heart with self-love brings such healing, wisdom, creativity, joy of being?

" Self-love is daunting when encrusted defenses of self-negation seem impenetrable. Students steeped in self-detestation often have difficulty imagining any quality of self-love. Don’t waste energy trying to prove self’s right to be loved by endlessly disentangling pricker bushes of self-condemnation. Rather, each morning address the heart with fresh eyes and the willingness to embrace self just as you are — a beautiful, vulnerable, precious being.

"The soul explores every opportunity to experience/receive Source’s Love. The ultimate purpose of incarnation is to practice self-love from the human perspective — a most challenging component of the soul’s journey that represents the final threshold into full illumination. Universal Love is a fierce, potent, relentless energy — a mighty flow that ceaselessly penetrates even the most embogged fortresses of self-betrayal. Surrender to its Great Presence. Allow wounds of self-dismissal and rejection to be cleansed/healed. Soak in the Cosmic Tub of all-encompassing Love and fill with the bliss of an unqualified self-embrace. To love self is to know Source."