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The Short Game of Finding Your Other Half

by Declan Kerr

Finding Your Other Half is the ultimate game of hide, go seek. There are three half’s to find. The first half to find is yourself. Then loving relationships. And then everyone else.

Because it’s a game there can be rules. The golden rule is to be yourself: if you’re looking for your other half how will that other half know you if you are pretending to be someone else?

So what does the first half, this other half of yourself look like, and how will you find yourself? Close your eyes and count to 20. Announce that you’re coming, ready or not. Have a look, but keep your eyes closed.

What do you see?. Maybe an energy? Maybe light or other colours? The other half of you is many of the things that you can’t see with your naked eye but that you can become aware of. This includes what you feel in your gut, or your intuition.

If you’re ready to invite more of this other half into your life you may need to prepare the way. There’s a chance that you have some inner conflict - not liking yourself - judging yourself - that kind of stuff. It’s hard to invite somebody into your life when you’re in conflict, so declare an amnesty and make peace with yourself.

It can help if the amnesty is simple, something like ‘I declare an amnesty and allow myself to be at peace with myself’. You may need a peace process to give full effect to your declaration. Decide what you are ready to forgive and release. Be specific. Write it down and let it go. Keep in mind that at any point in your life you were doing the best you knew how. You have not missed the bus. You did not take a fatal wrong turn 5 years ago. You are in exactly the right place at the right time.

There is a simple exchange principle

There can be an exchange principle: When you find out who or what is pressing your buttons and drop into the emotion which is below the surface emotion you can not only release the emotions, all of them, but get an exchange and get back the quality you were seeking.

And look at life through a different lens. For instance, when we stop thinking about things being one thing or another, duality, we can overcome fear.

Think of duality as a way of getting experience. There is plenty for everyone or there will never be enough. To get the experience of too much or too little we can see this one thing or another. So there are not two things going on but three, and the third is how we experience, by observing and being.

We can’t know what is going on for someone else, only what we are feeling

For example: we persuade ourselves that love is conditional: he loves me because… she doesn’t love me because…. but really, we have made up the conditions. We can’t know what is going on for someone else, only what we are feeling. It follows, we are in control of how much love we have in our life.

Once you feel complete, feeling whole, saying yes to life and taking responsibility for your life then finding romance with someone else is easy-peasy. You know what is you and what is them.

If you are single: close your eyes and feel yourself as a ball of light. You want to attract a ball of compatible energy. Ask for the energy of the person who is best suited to you and to experience their energy here, with your eyes closed. If it feels right direct that the two balls merge and then separate again. In this way you can know your future partner as an energy signature – and you will know them when you meet in physical form.

If you are in a committed relationship: reflect on why you have met. Look to see where the exchange is, the qualities you wish to exchange. Look to see what it is you can bring into your partner’s life, in love, for your partner’s best experience.

A question that may help define how you wish to live your life:

Are you free to say yes to all that is best about you?

Deepen your relationships and list what you do not want in a relationship. Every relationship in your life to date will serve you including family relationships. List all the things you don’t want in a column down the left-hand side of a piece of paper. Keep an eye on your emotions. The items where you get the most emotional connection are important to you.

Let’s say you have one or two of the following. Things like dishonesty, pretence, disrespect, not being loved as examples. Make them real about what you don’t want. In the next column translate each item so that it is positive about you. For instance:

I don’t want

I do want


To be honest


To be authentic


To respect myself

Not being loved

To love myself

Being responsible for another’s happiness

To take responsibility for my own happiness

A partner who doesn’t know what they want

To know what I want

Now release all the things that you do not want, and allow all that you do want in your life. Be the things you wish to have in your life. Experience them!

Power and sensuality Intimate relationships are a fantastic place to remember all the good things about you and to share and to experience these through the eyes and senses of another. If your relationship is a bit out of balance it can help to change the rules. What about sensuality without sex? Making time and space to explore each other as if you were discovering a human body for the first time. Or using your fingers as if they were feathers. Using oils or creams to explore gentle ways of massaging and caressing, feet, hands, scalp, shoulders, as a means to engage and be with each other on a different level.

Finding everybody else, the third half to find in the game, heralds a new way of experiencing life. There is a new consciousness available to us on earth and being born on earth and in spirit you are completely equipped to help birth and anchor this energy.

A quick introduction to finding everybody else is to close your eyes. See or sense yourself as a ball of light or energy. Sense everybody and everything else as energy. When you are ready, sense yourself as separate. Ask that you merge with the energy of everybody else - and when you are ready bring yourself back as separate and decide that you will return to your physical body.

Another variation is to take yourself out into nature. Focus on a tree. Soften your focus and ask permission for your energy and the energy of the tree to merge. Now try smaller things, a flower for instance. And then experiment with larger things like a river, or the sky. This is on the road to oneness, and the road to oneness is found by recognising yourself. You are the path. And this is the end of the short game.

Declan Kerr is a writer, a healer, and leads workshops and talks. Consistent themes for Declan are how there is more to us than meets the eye, and how to access and bring more of that into our day-to-day lives. In this way we become more of ourselves, and this, Declan believes, is what we are here to experience. Further details are on the web at www.moretoyou.co.uk . Finding Your Other Half is published by O Books on 27th August 2010,

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