Why Is Romance So Special?

What if we are looking to be found? This would make sense of romance, if you think about

the games we play as toddlers of peek-a-boo; of hide and seek as children; of the glow we feel when others around us recognise our achievements when we feel this is deserved - and contrary-wise, of the injustice we sense when we have been accused or are said to have done something or be something which we feel is not true. If you think about it, some of the stuff that is not true about us we can spend quite a lot of our lives trying to let go of, overcome, or otherwise sort out for ourselves.

This being found makes sense too, later, of how fantastic it is when we meet someone who we feel ‘gets us’. It’s like they understand, we can relax – or excel – but most of all we can be ourselves. Which is why romance can be so special, when someone who we also feel attracted to ‘gets us’. Even better when we feel we get them as well. It’s like we can open the door on new possibilities about ourselves and about life.

Not always, but often enough to be worth thinking about, this feeling of getting each other fades, or disappears completely – and in those situations we’re left trying to remember what the picture looked like before – how things were great and then were not – maybe with a poor opinion about the other person, maybe a poor opinion about ourselves.

So the second what if – what if we could find some of this stuff that others recognise in us, but find it ourselves. So let’s say we’re after finding enough to have a good feeling about who we are, with the ability to relax and enjoy ourselves, and ability to relax and enjoy others. How might we experience life as a consequence? How would it be to find romance, or develop an existing loving relationship with some good feelings about ourselves – having a sound sense of who we are and what we are about?

In my experience it’s this question that is the key to everything that follows.

So if you’ve decided that you’re up for finding yourself there’s some great news. You are already here! You have everything you need, for everything about you serves you. Absolutely everything. All you need do now is remember where you left or hid yourself.

In day-to-day terms finding our other half is sometimes understood as being another person. But I’m not talking about finding another person, I’m talking about finding myself. Yourself if you wish.

I have the physical bit here. I can weigh it, and photograph it, and see my reflection in the mirror. So, the other half of me is not visible. If it could be visible, let’s say I could draw it, what would it look like?

I’m wanting this other half to show-up, to be more at home with it, to know I’m all here, all together.

I have some more clues about this other half. I know when I’m accused of something that is not me or my behaviour I feel the injustice – so there is so much that this other half is not.

I know from when people have given me encouragement or seen things about me that I have felt is true that I’ve had a warm inner glow. So I know from these indicators that I know by feelings and an inner truth when I’m hot and I’m finding myself – or when I’m cold and I’m not.

If this is the case then it’s pointless trying to pretend to be someone else. The person I’m looking for is me! If I’ve done a doodle of what this other half might look like, another approach might be to sense where this other half is. Where might I have hidden this other half, or where, in my growing awareness about myself, might this other half be?

If I was to allow more of this other half into my life, how would I do that? There’s many ways of doing that, but sometimes it can help to have a sense of how it feels – almost like an energy signature so that we can know ourselves more clearly.

A quick way into the energy and awareness of having this other half in our life can be to detach from past and future events. Do this when you have a quiet moment and there are no external calls on your time and attention. Imagine your thoughts are like little strings of energy. Follow these and see where they go. Where is most of your energy?

Having identified where your energy is, follow one of the strings and learn how to gently detach it from the event or issue in the past or future. It’s like a sticky-bud and you gently unpeel the sticky attachment and let the energy gently come back. Having learned how to do it for one string, make the decision that you will now do this for all strings, and allow them all to return.

It can help to close your eyes at this point, simply to increase your sense of inner awareness - see before you a rock face to the left, and a rock face to the right, and directly in front and between these rock faces a passageway, no bigger than a doorframe, and when you are ready step through this passageway, and into the present moment with all of your awareness. How do you feel?

If you have enjoyed this sense of yourself there are lots more ways in which you can bring all of yourself into this life, and in consequence have a very different experience around other people, and especially in loving relationships. Ways to do this, for ourselves and in loving relationships I have written up as concisely as I know how to do in the book Finding Your Other Half. Published by O Books it is currently available from all bookstores, bookshops and on-line retailers. Namasté.

Declan Kerr is a writer and a healer. He has an interest in how we become more of who we are, for becoming all of who we are is what he believes we are here for. Further details are at www.aaahpublications.com