Excerpt from "Beyond the Great Abyss"

PREFACE
The Great White Snowy Owl of the North has flown over my house and landed in the tall pine at the corner, where my yard meets the woods. It sits on a high tree branch, its feathers glimmering softly in the moonlight as it looks first one way, then in its eerie manner, swiveling its head swiftly and silently to look the other way. I am the Great White Snowy Owl now, with all the power and wisdom of its ancient and legendary symbolism. How I got there from the broken child I once was, and that grim and desolate place where I dwelled for so many years is the subject of this book.

It has been a lifetime journey, but I will spare you a long immersion in the misery that was my first 25 years, as it is the last three, during an explosive period of transformation that best illuminates the process of healing, both through my own story and through those of several other major figures in my life. I will particularly focus on two new “energy medicine” breakthroughs, whole body vibration and constitutional homeopathy as they were the major transformative agents, along with the experiences that life sent my way. Energy medicine focuses on restoring the natural flow and balance of your life force (known as chi in Chinese medicine), and after many years in the natural health field I have come to realize that “energy” is the most profound and guiding force for your entire health and life.

To give you a snapshot of my early life so as to set the stage for the changes to come, I will tell you of one of the first visions my invaluable intuitive counselor, Jeanne Mayell, had the first time I met her, some seven years ago. In the fall of 2003 I was on the edge of divorce, and though I had never been to a psychic or intuitive counselor before, I had been working closely and successfully with the medical intuitive Dr. Keith DeOrio, who had been my medical doctor since 1993.

A medical intuitive senses your “energy,” and in the case of Dr. DeOrio, can get information from this energy about what is wrong with you and what is needed to solve the problem. I had spent the 15 years before that trying, with little success, to heal my myriad health issues, first with a succession of Western medicine doctors and psychiatric approaches and then with numerous natural health approaches. So, despite my many years of Western intellectual training, including a Bachelor’s of Science degree and seven years working in the biotech field, I was open to possibilities beyond what could be explained by Western science.

Within five minutes of meeting Jeanne, without any information or prompting from me, as I wanted to see what she could do on her own, she described a vision she saw of me as a young child, five or six years old. I was in a white dress, sitting all alone in a glade in the forest. “But, there is a halo over your head,” she said, “and this usually means that you are dead.” “Did you have a twin sister who died when you were young?” I burst into tears as the realization instantly hit me that what she was seeing was the essential inner part of me that had died long ago during the trauma of my childhood. I had become a shell of a person, isolated and depressed, with greatly inhibited creativity, spontaneity, and joy, without purpose and with little ability to form satisfying relationships with other people.

It is hard to understand how I could be so traumatized when there was never any obvious physical or emotional injury, but I did spend nearly all my formative years in chronic depression. Probably no one will ever know all its causes, though undoubtedly contributing factors were a genetic susceptibility and an imbalance in my body’s natural state from years of daily antibiotics (after a bout of rheumatic fever when I was 12). Mild depression as a young child developed into severe, clinical depression by my teenage years. Growing up depressed is a scarring and isolating experience. You have little to offer the world; you are not funny, creative, or joyful; you want only to sleep, eat, and escape, and you can see that many people do not want to be with you. But you have no “before” self to look at to tell you that this is not really you. Instead you become convinced that you just came into the world a boring, dull, insecure, unattractive and useless person.

Yet I am now transformed, creative, productive, and so positive and joyful that it is almost impossible for me to hold a negative thought in my head for more than a few minutes. I now attract people and men especially, to a degree that verges on bizarre; hordes of them it seemed at times, including three multimillionaires, and a onetime NFL athlete and male model. This sudden deluge of men is especially amazing considering that it all began within months of my divorce at the age of 48, and after total failure in this department the first 25 years of my life (almost no dates and not one boyfriend before meeting, at age 25, my now ex-husband) and then a long but troubled marriage for 23 years.

I am also now even highly intuitive myself, so connected to the universal energy of life, and vibrating in such synchronization with my soul and my purpose in life that I can connect at will with the unlimited knowledge and wisdom of the universe. It is beyond my wildest dreams and imaginings, especially as I had zero intuitive abilities that I was aware of for most of my life.

When I met Dr. DeOrio and experienced for myself, the extraordinary cures he consistently provided, I was awestruck and eventually consumed with the desire to develop these abilities. Most intuitives believe that we all are born with this ability; that it is the dominance of our left brains steeped in Western culture’s skepticism and logical thought processes, and always buzzing busily and loudly, that blocks the reception of this subtle, but powerful, information transmission system.

I began a many years long quest including meditation, vibration and other practices, designed to shift your brain wave activity to the altered slower frequencies associated with intuition. There were even ascetic and spiritual overtones to this quest, as, due to my health issues I needed to practice self-control and denial, and because spirituality and energy are inextricably linked. For years progress was infinitesimal, but I did see some subtle signs of growth and having tasted, however briefly and tangentially, of this exotic fruit of power and knowledge I could not give up.

Then two years ago I became involved in a dangerous, even potentially fatal situation with one of these men I have attracted. Fascinating, charismatic and a James Bond type character, this man also has a hidden dark side. This perilous situation triggers a sudden tidal wave of ability to access, intuitively, information I need to survive. Intuition is, among other things, a protective ability that can be of critical importance in guiding one safely on their path, as you will see in the following pages…

At the point at which this story begins, the depression and many associated energy and psychological disturbances are almost completely gone, though it had been a long and multi-layered process getting there. I am now a naturopath: I study and use myriad natural methods to heal people. Watch closely as I use especially whole body vibration, constitutional homeopathy, intuition, and a science and technology based, computer linked system of detecting and measuring electrical energy called electrodermal testing, for myself, and with the other characters in the story; we will illustrate the power of these natural health approaches to transform and heal.

Three years ago, as I begin this tale, I am still a novice in relationships as there is no substitute for experience, and I had been protecting and hiding my sensitive inner child for many years. But now, the forces of the Universe have aligned and I am about to embark on a wild ride of transformation and growth. It is four years since I first met Jeanne and I am one month from the final physical and legal separation from my husband.

g CHAPTER SIX g

A Conquering Savior, or a Crocodile?

8 p.m. Sunday, September 20, 2008

I’m exhausted, and, something… I’m not sure what. I met Victor Borque yesterday at the Whole Health Expo in Manchester N.H. I was there exhibiting, Victor is a friend of the organizer and had come to check it out. Holy Shit! I ended up going out with him Saturday night, dancing for hours at Roxy’s in Boston (this huge dance club there) and, then he spent the night here. Supposedly he was just going to “sleep” and snuggle with me, but morning comes and he ended up “fucking my brains out” as they, and he, says. It is wonderful though, to be held so securely and snuggly against his big, solid body. He is very physical, and he loves to be touched with affection, and to hold me tight to him. He’s super intense, a transfigured “Nux Vomica.” This is the homeopathic type whose keynote characteristic is summed up as “the conqueror” (227) in my reference text Homeopathic Psychology: Personality Profiles of the Major Constitutional Remedies, by Philip M. Bailey, M.D. He busts balls for fun, and has made millions of dollars from what I could gather.

He thinks it is destiny that we’ve met. He was not planning to come to the Expo, but just after I signed up at the last moment, he got a final email notice and suddenly felt a compulsion to attend. He is intuitive and apparently could sense my vibrations from the state of Maine. Three times he started to go north on Saturday, his original plan being to take care of business at his house in Augusta, Maine this weekend, and three times he turned south, until finally he changed all his plans, made ten phone calls, and came here. I noticed him walk past me once, and then on his next pass by, he stopped and I looked up. Tall, over six feet, and solidly built, he was a sight to see. He was wearing a white jacket, a colorful shirt of jungle scenes with tigers, zebras, and brilliantly plumaged birds all over it, an orange and black hat with sweeping brims and an eagle feather, and a shark’s tooth hung from his neck on a black leather band. Green eyes bored into mine from a chiseled but rugged face with high cheek bones and a graying, once jet black beard. I gazed back at him and commented, “You’re quite a character aren’t you?” Never missing even half a beat, he replied, “You’re quite a character too.” He never left after that.

Sunday I showed him the electrodermal testing and I tried to find something to help him with the incredibly tight calf muscles he’s had for years. I felt them and they were like rocks—always like that he said, and painful too of course. The calf muscle issue, along with severe fibromyalgia, and some sort of intense floating trauma induced pain, and Restless Leg Syndrome, are the reasons why six years ago he had to quit the extreme physical activities he’s done all his life. He was a well-known mountain climber for 18 years leading groups up Kilimanjaro, McKinley, Mt Hood, some of the biggest mountains on continents all over the world. He was a world class athlete, into extreme sports like surfing the “big waves”, and kite-surfing. This is done with a surfboard, but you are attached to a huge kite sail contraption so sometimes when the wind and waves are right you fly 20 feet up into the air, suspended minutes at a time, twisting and turning acrobatically, only to touch down again, and speed off like lightening across the water. That’s as long as you don’t misjudge anything by a hair’s breath. I saw kite-surfing last summer at Revere Beach of all places, and stood there riveted with my mouth hanging open for hours, and this was not the big waves and top kite-surfers either. I also heard while I was standing around watching, how a guy in Hawaii misjudged the wind, or waves, and crashed into the side of a building while flying 20 feet up in the air.

I think Victor needs Nux Vomica 200C for his calf muscles as it matches his mental characteristics and it can be used for “cramps and contractures of muscles” (Morrison 275). Morrison describes the mental state of Nux Vomica as “irritable, impatient, ambitious and driven… competitive, workaholic” (273). I‘ve already observed he is a busting balls type. Bailey’s guide lists a subtype of the Nux Vomica conqueror as “the warrior… not only skilled in the arts of warfare; he is also fearless, extremely agile in mind and body, and in some sense noble” (227). Victor has unnerved me at times with stories of his fighting prowess, his all-encompassing intelligence was immediately apparent, and though he has fibromyalgia he still has his physical abilities if he chooses to exert himself though he will suffer increased pain later.

There is greatness and nobility here too. We have both survived and triumphed over devastating circumstance. I do not know precisely what his devastation was, but he tells me that “evil entered his life” 22 years ago and destroyed him and everything he loved. He has come back from this deep pit of rage, despair and loss, but the experience has left him with a range of debilitating health issues. I am hopeful I can help him with all his physical problems, and he did buy a whole body vibration machine Sunday morning, though he insisted on a discount. I want him to use it every day and I know he needs it so I gave in.

Victor spent the whole weekend telling me how much he “loves” me and how “gorgeous, warm, funny, sweet, loving, sexy, and wild” I am. He says he’s “in love” with me and wants me to spend forever with him while he “fucks me continuously.” He kept wanting to know how much I loved him, but I just met him, how can I love him already? I don’t even know him, and I am feeling overwhelmed. Finally I put my thumb and forefinger almost together, leaving about ¼ inch space between them, “This much,” I ventured. We both laughed, but he’s not happy with my answer. He’s a wild, wild character, almost scary. My adrenaline was running high from the moment I started talking to him, around 2 p.m. Sat. till he left, about 5 p.m. Sunday. I’m exhausted as I barely slept last night.

5 p.m. Monday, September 22, 2008

I’m still exhausted, but depressed now too. I was just with Jeanne for four hours and my bubble of hope and excitement is popped. Now I feel like crying. I have to get involved with a loving guy, unlike Victor who has still got a lot an anger issues though he thinks they are gone, and who is not married. These impossible relationships hurt too much.

The Reading: Visions or images Jeanne saw during that long four hours.

Vision 1: This is the path of your life. Ideally you are with one person; then the “door closes” after that person before a new phase begins with the next person. In this case I am still with Ricky when Victor shows up, so the “doors” opening and closing crash into each other and this makes for an unhappy Becky.

Vision 2: Victor is sideways, which means, there is some big problem, and he is being sucked into this huge water pipe, which is me and my sexuality.

Vision 3: Jeanne sees a hat—Victor’s hat she says, and it is a Union soldier’s hat. She does not understand its meaning, but I do from what I did learn of Victor and his life during our 27 hours together. First, he always wears a hat, as he is mostly bald and he needs a hat to keep the sun from burning his scalp and to keep him warm in the winter, but it has also become his trademark. He always wears a hat. It is not ever a Union soldier’s hat, but this reflects Victor “soldiering on” against the pain of the severe fibromyalgia he has had for the last 15 years, and probably also against the psychological pain of the hell his life exploded into 22 years ago and that he has been trying to escape from ever since.

Vision 4: I am standing on a beach. Victor is a crocodile lying in wait to grab me and pull me under the water, and around and around, till I lose all sense of direction and I am submerged in a sea of emotions. He does not want to kill me, but to make me his own, in his world. Jeanne chills me with her observation that crocodiles are reptiles, and you cannot ever really communicate with a reptile. “They cannot empathize with people,” she says.

Vision 5: Jeanne asks the question (of Spirit), “How can Becky stay whole while exploring a relationship with Victor”, for it is apparent to Jeanne that, though I do see the truth of what she is saying, I still do not want to give him up. I am strongly drawn to this man. Jeanne sees two parallel train tracks going across a river, one set of tracks crosses the river on a bridge, the other set of tracks is broken and there is only water before the tracks continue on the other side. I am a train, first on one set of tracks, then on the other, shifting back and forth between the two. On one set I will make it safely across the river, on the other I will crash into the water, and trains that crash into the water Jeanne says, are usually gone forever.

[Neither Jeanne or I are aware, yet, of a dark episode in Victor’s family history in which his uncle (Victor’s father’s brother) murdered his own wife. When Victor was in his teens, his aunt had an affair with a man in the small rural town where she and her husband lived. In a fit of drunken rage and fury Victor’s uncle took his shotgun and pumped four bullets into his wife.]

Vision 6: Now she asks Spirit, “What does Becky need to know about Victor?” She sees a rigid man lying on a table or bed with his calves and feet sticking straight out over the end. I understand this to be depicting his fibromyalgia which makes him stiff, but it is also his personality which is inflexible and overbearing.

Vision 7: “What does Becky need to know about a relationship with Victor?” she asks next. She sees a big, primitive yurt type dwelling with a very small door and no windows. This, she says, means once you are in a relationship with Victor it will be very hard to get out. He has a large house and life, but you cannot leave.

Vision 8: She sees a mountain with a road spiraling in circles up and around the mountain. There are also some ladders and some slides between successive loops of the roads. Life and growth are like climbing a mountain slowly; sometimes you can climb up a ladder gaining ground quickly, but you can also fall down a slide suddenly losing much ground.

Vision 9: “What will life with Victor be like if Becky stays with him?” Jeanne sees two large skyscrapers; I am one that is a little shorter than the other, which is Victor. She sees a wildly waving rope ladder connecting the two, on which he and I are traveling together holding hands, but we do not have any heads. She is seeing a literal depiction of the metaphorical phrase “losing your head,” meaning that we would both lose our sense of direction and self in this relationship. There is also music playing in this scene, she says. Both Victor and I love music and dancing; we have already had a wild night tearing up the dance floor on our first date.

Vision 10: Victor is a small boy, like Linus in the Peanuts cartoon (the cute little boy with a blanket), hiding inside a big body. My body is smaller, but I am actually much bigger and older than Victor, Jeanne says. If I’m the adult here, I think to myself, we’re in trouble!

Becca Chambers, B.S., M. Ed., is a naturopath (Clayton College of Natural Health) who has spent the last 25 years discovering new powerful and safe natural health methods to heal first herself and then many others.

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