We form ideas about beautiful and ugly, desirable and undesirable through what we have overheard. We also form our ideas from unspoken attitudes we have witnessed and the body language of those around us. Perhaps your pictures of the perfect body are in actuality the unexamined internalized ideas put together from a child’s immature perspective. They include what you were exposed to, what you saw, smelled, felt and experienced. Sometimes your impression of a perfect body was formed by a toddler on a trip to the local supermarket.
Here is just such an example from Shya’s experience.
I brushed my brow with the back of my hand in the mid-’80s as I jogged up 2nd Avenue on Manhattan’s East Side. The August morning was already hot. It was going to be a scorcher. All in all, I liked the summer. Although it meant my daily run was more challenging, I liked the view. New York City streets, even in the early morning, were populated with other joggers, dog walkers and folks on their way to work. I saw many ladies wearing shorts and short skirts, showing lots of leg between the hem of their clothing and their sandals.
During my daily run to keep fit, my mind wandered and my eye roved. As I passed the buses and taxis, I found myself drawn to some legs and less drawn to others, but I didn’t think much of it at first. I just enjoyed them. It was nice to stretch and exert myself, my legs pumping in rhythm as I sweated freely.
When I jogged past 43rd Street, my uptown momentum was momentarily interrupted by a red light, so I had the opportunity to notice a woman standing at the corner ahead of me. She had a great set of calves. In fact, they were "perfect." Jogging there in place, I suddenly flashed back to a time when I was a very small child.
My mother had taken me with her to the supermarket and I got lost. I didn’t know where she was and I couldn’t remember what she was wearing. I must have been really young because I recall crying while I ran from aisle to aisle, looking for my mother. I was so young that I was searching for her legs—that set of calves that represented safety and love, home and security. I was looking for those familiar calves that I knew to be my mommy’s. I know now that I was never in any danger. I had simply wandered off and she was likely no more than a few feet away. But in my childish mind it was terrifying and my survival was at stake. I would be safe only if I could find those legs. I was not yet tall enough nor sophisticated enough to look for the whole person, so I was scanning from a leg’s-eye view. I was surprised to find that all those years later, I still automatically scanned for a set of legs just like my mom’s. I nodded to the gal as I passed her and continued on up the street.
Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have taught individuals, couples and organizations across the globe how to live in the moment and unwire the knee-jerk behaviors that get in the way of living life with ease. Together for 30 years and counting, people still ask Ariel and Shya if they are on their honeymoon. How to Have A Match Made in Heaven: A Transformational Approach to Dating, Relating and Marriage is available everywhere books are sold. For more information about the book, the Kanes and their seminars, visit www.MatchMadeinHeavenBook.com.