The Bliss Mistress Guide: Yes, No, Maybe So

Words are powerful and the meaning we place on them, makes all the difference in the world. The first two letter expression as small children is usually an emphatic NO! It is a statement of autonomy. I don’t wanna and you can’t make me!” The adults in our lives use the word as a means of restricting our activities; some with good reason-for safety and structure, others for control and rigidity. Some come from the “because I said so,” school of parenting. When used appropriately, that ‘complete sentence’ helps set good boundaries for us. It also provides valuable information. If someone were to ask you for directions; “Is Main Street that way?” and you don’t tell them “No, it’s the other way,” then they could get lost. In relationships, we are always asking for direction from our friends and family and can feel lost if we don’t tap into that GPS.

On the flip side is a happier sounding word…YES! It carries with it, permission to indulge in our desires. What if we were taught that it is selfish to ask for what we want and if offered, to politely decline? It might be a whole lot harder to enjoy what is being held out before us, whether it is an invitation to a concert, time with a loved one, or a gift. Although I was showered with love throughout my life, I still find it challenging to receive and even more difficult to ask for what I want at times, although I am getting better at both, with the encouragement of family and friends; more so since the series of health challenges that have arisen since last year. One thing I have noticed is a pattern of asking for what I think people are likely to say yes to, rather than for what I truly want. Less risk involved; not as much opportunity for disappointment; however, it also limits the possibility of fulfillment. A friend of mine says that unless she is an unqualified “Hell yes!” to something, then it is a no for now.

What if we knew that we always have a choice and can meander into that nebulous zone of ‘maybe so.’? For the time being, we may be uncertain of direction, so it could be best to stay n

This dynamic has played out in meaningful ways lately. I had made a definitive decision since the heart attack in June to limit responsibilities and commitments while I take time to rebound. Of course, that resolve gets tested often, as people who are accustomed to my go-to-get-it-done-always-on persona, approach me with invitations to do things for them or with them. I have lovingly declined their requests, and boy, does it feel good! I am celebrating not because I am turning them down, but because it is such a new state of being for me.

Naturally, as life has it, I have the chance to be on the asking end. While working on a project, I have requested involvement of others for whom I have offered support in the past with the ‘expectation’ that they would all gladly say yes. I have heard that expectations are pre-meditated resentments and I have to admit that initially, when some returned with that two letter word that I didn’t want to hear, or didn’t respond at all, I felt a ‘grrrrowl’ arise. I was reminded that just as I have the choice of saying yes or no, so too do they. To be fair, some did agree to jump on board.

My growing edge is to honor both equally.

Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW is a Renaissance Woman- colorfully creative journalist, dynamic transformational speaker, licensed social worker, radio host (www.vividlife.me) , interfaith minister and the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into The Extraordinary. Infinitely curious about life, she finds that everything is a writing prompt. www.liveinjoy.org