Dear Jennifer,

My cat Madeline has been sick for months. Just when I think it’s going to be her time she seems to rally. I’m afraid she’s just holding on for me, especially since I was extremely grief-stricken when my dog passed away a year ago. Would you please ask her what’s going on and if she’s hanging on for my sake?

Alison

Dear Allison,

Sadly, the feeling I get from Madeline is that she’s indeed hanging on for you. Sometimes that’s good, but it feels like it’s now becoming at her own expense. It seems to me that she feels torn between wanting to cling to life for you and wanting to let go. I would take some time (but don’t put it off) and get in a mindframe where you feel deeply that you want Madeline to be at peace and out of her body if she’s suffering. Make sure you truly feel this in your heart before you approach her. When you’re ready, I would sit down with her and in your own words tell her how much you love her, how special she is, and that you appreciate how she’s been holding on for you. Then, tell her that as long as she feels well enough and really still wants to be in her body, you’re very happy for her to still be with you. But, if she’s ready to leave, not to hold on because of you. Tell her that you’ll miss her, but will be okay. Let her know you’re stronger now than when your dog crossed over, and although you’ll grieve for her you won’t fall apart. 

Madeline needs to know that it’s okay for her to let go when she’s ready, and that you want her to decide when it is right for her, and not cause herself to suffer because she’s worried about you. I would tell her if she can let go and cross on her own when she’s ready that’s fine, but if she needs or wants your help to let you know - either be vocal about her distress or show you she doesn’t want to eat anymore. I’m not telling her all this myself because I don’t have your permission, and because it really needs to come from you, not me. I know this is hard, but Madeline needs you to be strong for her. And, you could have the talk and she may still decide she wants to hang on longer. But, I think she needs to hear and believe from you that you’ll be okay. She won’t understand every word that you say, but will understand your feelings, see the images in your mind, and comprehend the meaning of what you’re telling her.

You’re obviously very loved for Madeline to struggle so hard to stay by your side. And, you’re a good “mom” to be concerned about Madeline’s wishes. I hope her crossing is as easy and peaceful as possible for you both. 

Many Blessings,

Jennifer Dickman