The Bliss Mistress Guide: At the Crossroads

A few days ago, I turned 57. A time of ripening for me; expansion, rather than constriction.  For many, as they near the completion of their fifth decade, there is a sense of what psychologist Erik Erikson referred to as Generativity vs. Stagnation in his psycho-social stages of development. It is a period from ages 40-65 during which they embark on career, family and giving back to society. When I turned 40, I became a widow with an 11 year old child to raise. In the interceding years, I changed career focus and incorporated writing into my work as a social worker/therapist/minister.  Volunteering became part of my life as well. Hitting most of the markers Erikson spoke of. I reinvented myself many times over and took all kinds of leaps that had me landing safely, despite fears that I might not. I teach people how to weather the winds of change and as a result, am called on to face them myself without getting blown over.

A recent change occurred when a job I loved had ended. Corporate downsizing was the catalyst. Not panicking, I knew I would land on my feet. Like most things I do, I have a belief that I will bring to it the best I have to offer and create value. Reliability and integrity are watchwords for me. I want to be counted on. As I result, I knew that the job change was orchestrated for me and not happening to me. It was from that place of confidence that I applied for others. To date, I have two definite writing jobs with others waiting in the wings, as well as a gig offering staff training. 

That’s the practical side. The emotional and spiritual side had me shuttling aside how I really felt about the change. As I often do, I went into spiritual bypass mode in which I tell myself that “God will take care of it.” While that may be so, I didn’t allow myself to grieve yet another loss in my life. My tendency had been to tell myself that other people have had more serious losses and that I have the resources to handle it.  That denial has contributed to repression of emotion, which I sense contributed to the heart attack which occurred in 2014. Although I have healed physically with dietary change, consistent exercise, naps and stress release, I know I have more to do in the area of emotional wellbeing.  I still have held back expressing what is going on inside, until now. With this job change, as well as relationship shifts, a huge well of grief has opened up. Being ‘cracked open’ as one friend referred to it, has brought with it cleansing and healing. Not particularly having fun with it, but knowing that it is a necessary part of my experience.

Often, when I stand at the crossroads, I am puzzled as to which direction to turn. I know that going backward isn’t going to work; although I can retrace my steps to see where I have been, to know where I am to travel next. Left?  Right? Straight ahead?  Each road will take me someplace new. Every one of them will introduce me to new people and opportunities. Might it be scary?  Could be. Will it be rewarding?  Always.  I will keep you apprised of where I arrive.

Edie Weinstein, LSW is a colorfully creative journalist, dynamic transformational speaker, interfaith minister, social worker, radio host of It’s All About Relationships www.vividlife.me and the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into The Extraordinary. www.opti-mystical.com