How many regrets are you dragging around year in and year out? Do they eat at your insides, filling you with remorse about the past? It’s difficult to remain free of judgment when reviewing previous
decisions/responses to life. How can we reflect on our process without sinking into the quagmire of regret so easily accessed when we feel like we’ve made a mess, missed an opportunity, hesitated too long, took comfort in denial, let the team down, surrendered too readily, denied ourselves what we really want, inadvertently hurt others, caused an accident, waited too long for something that never came, shied away from our next step, postponed our life until it was too late?
Ok, so we blew it. What can we do about it once its done? Do we really need to bludgeon ourselves with regret?
Life is nothing but a heap of karmic assignments. To frame our experiences within the context of lessons versus mistakes helps to release recriminating regret. The challenge is to look back with
compassionate discernment and non-judgmental self-examination.
Does regret serve us at all? Supposedly we employ it as a reminder to
prevent making the same mistake twice. But the angst of regret tortures us with a remorse that never ends — reiterating the mistake over and over again — like beating a dead horse. Are we that afraid of falling into unconsciousness once we’ve become aware of the need to learn a particular lesson?
Regret clamps us to the past - leashing us to an unfortunate event/pattern forever. Rather than trust ourselves to hold consciousness around the learning from our mistakes, we ceaselessly castigate ourselves for being "stupid" about our soul’s learning curve in this lifetime — as if we’re supposed to know before we know. The
prison of regret forbids parole no matter how much we’ve grown. Is a lifetime sentence really necessary to integrate every error? Feeling like a fool for the human blindness that can’t foresee and avert every misstep, we strap ourselves to the whipping post of regret — hoping that ample self-abuse will prevent future slip-ups. Regret is the hard voice of a compassionless critic that feeds on self-disdain.
Sometimes regret is appropriately relevant as the voice of our karmic conscience. Perhaps we’re painfully aware of having refrained from doing something that we know in our hearts was necessary. Regret jabs at us to ask why we created a painful situation that could have been averted. After all, we knew better. Why did we forfeit a chance for greater fulfillment, inner peace and happiness? Honest regret sounds the signal to examine our behavior — but without judgment.
Once we respond to regret by scrutinizing the lesson and integrating the extended awareness that results from this process, we’re free to release the "mistake" and its accompanying deprecation. The ability to dispel the self-flaggelating affect of unresolved regret by trusting that we’ve grown and changed is central to this review. Otherwise penalizing regret’s sticky energy glues us to the agony of our "failure." It steals the present moment and places our future in the past.
Regret wicks the joy out of life and prevents forward movement. We become stuck in a loop of pardonless self-recrimination. Finally when it’s time to die, the soul is trapped under a stockpile of regrets
that make transition into spirit painful as we realize that our precious life was wasted looking back in self-condemnation.
Often when beloveds die we’re filled with regret for what we didn’t say or do. This teaches the exquisiteness of each moment, to review what’s important and to allow the ephemeral nature of life to engage
our entire being. To stubbornly rehash how we fell short with the deceased removes us from life and invokes residency in a room in Dante’s Inferno that houses burning hot turmoil.
Chronic regret undermines self-trust and confidence in decision making which generates fear of facing the future. We can’t see past our blunders to the core self that illuminates the pathway. This malady of the soul erodes the self-esteem that fuels the willingness to venture into life. Because faith is undermined, we hesitate just
when a leap forward is needed — unable to shake off all the undigested regrets that line up to form a wall of lament.
Regret is heavy. It hobbles us by blocking our ability to fully see and embrace the lesson with acceptance — thereby releasing the heartache. Rather than simply registering our behavior as a source of insight that promotes evolution, and processing the accompanying emotions with tender sensitivity, we clobber ourselves again and
again. This generates a habit of perpetually finding something wrong in retrospect. Regret causes illness, clogs our life force and feeds any addiction that drowns out the pain of whatever we find so unforgivable in ourselves.
It’s tempting to indulge in the "if only" syndrome and sink into fantasies that reinvent the past to correct whatever went wrong — futile attempts to buffer reality from behind. Much energy is spent on these endless regret-fueled scenarios. Then we become stuck in wishing the past different, unable to face the truth of what was,
which prevents resolution. We must unhook from all judgments of past behavior in order to unconditionally celebrate our lives and trust that we can learn from our mistakes without regret’s oppression.
Of course the release of regret doesn’t translate into being cavalier about previous botches. We still have to take responsibility for our blindness and resolve to go forward, all the wiser for having honored
the learning in our misdoing.
Regret feeds on the false belief that we don’t get second chances in life. Any regretted experience appears to be more important than anything else, and we’ve lost our only opportunity to do it right. But Universal Love provides countless openings for us to try again. The Divine Plan is mysterious. What we regret may not always be what it seems. To judgmentally evaluate past behavior, based on narrow
vision and lack of understanding, may produce a prison sentence that falsely accuses the innocent. This leaves no room for viewing life as a grand experiment played out in a laboratory of not-knowing. We’re
only human!
While writing this article my hoard of regrets rear their ugly head — demanding that I don’t let myself off the hook so easily. After all, I "should have" known better. I remind myself that the sticky energy within these anguishes indicates that I’m not yet resolved about these past behaviors and must work to develop greater self-acceptance. So I continue to chew on any remaining regrets to break down and release the shame within them in order to access the
kernel of self-knowledge that transmutes these fumbles into places of heightened awareness.
The Tibetan, radiantly compassionate, smiles in agreement. He teaches:
"Nothing is lost, wrong, irrevocable, or absolute in the Universe. Consequently, there is nothing to regret. In order to abolish the ravaging affects of regret on the soul, an ACCEPTANCE of all facets of
the human process must be nurtured.
"Regret fuels detours off the central trajectory that enhances evolution. It strands the soul in outposts of unceasing
self-punishment where the mercy of resolution is withheld. This ignites rage at self and Source. Humankind’s unfoldment occurs within the Mystery — resulting in a Divine Mandate of temporary ‘blindness’
that heightens the learning curve. There’s no need to feel shame about knowledge only gained in retrospect. What’s important is the application of this awareness to prevent future ‘missteps’ on the path.
"Thoughts filled with ‘should haves’ clutter precious space in the mental body that could otherwise be directed toward the positive contemplation that shapes a joy-filled perspective on life. Why would
self forfeit Divine Infusions of Delight by clinging to the dead bodies of regret? It’s an illusion that regret is a true penance for mistakes. Self often chooses to stay in the ‘comfort zone’ of regret, tethered to the past, which maintains an self-image of inferiority, badness, inadequacy. Supposedly this is easier than taking responsibility for the lesson and continuing forward into self’s magnitude.
"Regret goes nowhere. Its endless cycle of non-reprieve prevents the necessary healing needed to transmute regret-filled responses to self’s process. The only antidote is to practice forgiveness. Of course even the most persistent regrets lose electricity over time as the soul becomes disinterested with the drama being replayed in the mind. Then self-abuse is replaced with a lighthearted embrace of allthat is.
"A world without regret shines brightly with joy, relaxation, acceptance, self-love and inner peace. The collective consciousness’ evolution will accelerate within the ocean of Divine Allowance that holds compassionate space for the human process with all of its setbacks, disappointments, shortsightedness and miscalculations. This insures that humankind learns to accept life wholeheartedly, learning and letting go, without the need to replay painful moments of illusion. Self-trust then unfolds a pathway of self-respect, kindliness, tolerance and unbounded energy. All souls are liberated to experiment again and again with Divinity in human form coupled with the willingness to contemplate the results of their earthly experiences within the context of a loving envelopment that forgives all temporary ‘blindness’ and illuminates the pathway with heightened wisdom and appreciation of the journey."
Moriah Marston, soul mentor in private psychotherapy practice since 1983, combines her tools of soul-based astrology and depth dream analysis with her intuitive blend with Ascended Master Djwhal Khul’s metaphysical perspective on karmic belief systems to her penetrating multidimensional approach to healing and transformation. Specializing in phone sessions for individuals & couples, she offers group intensives nationwide & is author of Soul Searching with Djwhal Khul, the Tibetan. 413-624-9606, Colrain, MA. moriahmarston@gmail.com. www.transformationaltimes.com.