So Far You're Not Losing

I'm a huge Judge Judy fan. I mean huge. I watch several episodes of her per day, sometimes both on TV and on YouTube, but mostly YouTube. I find her incredibly entertaining, inspiring, and funny. There's always something to learn and love about Judge Judith Sheindlin, and whenever I meet someone who claims to hate her, I steer quite clear. I have the kind of reaction a dog has when they encounter evil!

One of my favorite things Judge Judy says is to a defendant who is talking too much and damaging their case: "So far you're not losing."

I was thinking about that this morning as I was once again feeling panicked about having so much to do and not know which of my mountain o' taskery units to go 'head 'n tackle firstlike.

I calmed down, took a deep breath and thought, what if I'm not messing absolutely everything up in my life? What if, just what if everything I'm doing is actually going to lead to something that is positive in a long-term and stable way? What if it isn't about a straight and easy path to positivity and stability, but a more jagged journey that is no less effecient and positive? After all, life is nothin' but jagged edges with a bit of sweetness in between, or lots and lots of juicy goodness if we choose to focus on and appreciate it.

I decided to make a choice in that moment, to trust the process. I know, gag me with the cliches, but it's so true! It really is a process. And maybe my feeling overwhelmed is a natural and good sign that I am alive, aware, and a typical chyk with not only bipolar disorder but also PTSD, the monster of all anxiety disorders. Maybe having lots of goals and dreams plus them there mental health issues is absolutely *gonna* make me feels sometimes as if I am never gonna get to that proverbial "there". That "there" that the great Gertrude Stein supposedly said as she lay on her deathbed, seconds from transitioning to the great beyond... "There is no there, there."

Well, what if we're all doing just fine. Exactly how and where we are?

What if we're not losing?

How about we just quiet ourselves down, take a deep breath, and do the next thing that feels good, makes us happy, gives to someone else, or just plain makes good sense? And in the meantime, how about we smile, and trust that all is ell. That the process is working. That this is what life looks like. That we're okay?

Chin up! So far you're not losing!

And what if, dare I say we are *never* losing. What if we are always winning? Not to get all Charlie Sheen on ya, but winning is waking up and breathing in another day. Taking a step and doing the best you can. Smiling simply because you remembered to. Being kind because it's the right thing to do. Winning is just being alive and trying. And remembering that we are loved and lovable just as we are. That's winning. And so far, we are always winning!

Cassendre Xavier is a $15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-winning self-described “multi-media healing artist” who writes, records music and guided meditations, performs and does poetry readings, leads workshops, and creates community cultural arts events. She has written for Wisdom Magazine’s webzine since 2009.Visit her storefront of recordings, and books of poetry and inspiring essays at http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com