Being Lost in the Fog

We were recently on our boat in Cape Cod, a beautiful seascape with whales, seals, fish and birds. The Cape is known for, amongst other things, a lot of fog. Fortunately, when we got our boat, we installed radar as well as a global positioning system, otherwise known as a GPS.

Radar sends an electronic beacon out in all directions and receives any energy that bounces back from objects such as boats, land, buoys and even flying birds. A GPS shows where you are relative to land and obstacles, including those charted underwater such as boulders or submerged obstructions. Between the two of these instruments it is possible to know where you are located, the direction and speed that you are traveling and any obstacles that may be in your path.

It was certainly reassuring to have great tools like our radar and GPS when we hit a fog bank while in Cape Cod, yet here is what we discovered when we found ourselves enveloped.

We noticed that when we entered the fog and could not see more than a few hundred feet in any direction, our thoughts or sense of where we were going was very different than our actual heading. To begin with, even though we had instruments that pointed us in the right direction, it was hard to stay on course because there were no visual markers in the blanket of white that surrounded us. We would try to bring the boat to a heading and hold it there, yet every time we got the nose of the boat pointed in the right direction, it continued with momentum off course again, only now in the opposite direction. This was because we had over compensated our steering and we had overcorrected. Like a pendulum, our boat swung back and forth across our intended track, but it was very difficult to stay on course. We discovered if we stopped correcting before we got back to our actual course bearing, we were closer to being centered. And then the corrections became smaller, minute adjustments, until we were consistently on track.

When surrounded by fog, our intuition and sense of direction, which are very well developed, failed us because in truth we were disoriented. Surprisingly, we had to let go of our usually very dependable gut feelings of the way to go and trust our instruments. If we did not depend upon our support system, we would have become truly lost.

Our experience in the fog could be equated to how people are when they get upset and disturbed in their lives and how upsets diminish your ability to see where it is that you actually are. When you get upset, you lose track of your intended destination and get lost in the intensity of the disturbance. You also lose sight of where you are in relation to those around you. When in a fog, you can’t visually pick a point and steer toward a safe port. Boats or harbors nearby can’t reassure you because with your limited vision they don’t exist. So too, it is with an upset. You may have friends who are standing nearby, willing to lend their support but if you are lost in a fog and you can’t see them or don’t trust them, they are forced to watch as you wander and go aimlessly in circles.

So, how do you get back on track when you are lost in a fog? First and foremost, don’t panic. Because when you panic, you make really bad choices. Next, you need to include other people in your life and let them support you. Generally, when people get upset they try to "go it alone." They hibernate or take themselves away because they don’t want to be a bother or they don’t want others to see them until they are better company. Steering this course is bound to send you more deeply into dangerous waters.

Have you ever noticed that when you are upset, there are plenty of total strangers who are not? If you go out for a cup of coffee or to the deli or a local store for example and don’t keep your head down but actually interact with the person who is taking your order you will have to let go of the upset long enough to be there with them. This is one very valuable tool in releasing yourself from an upset. If you can begin to operate well in non-demanding interactions with others, it becomes easier to regain your balance when you are alone with your thoughts.

Next, recognize that you don’t have to tough it out alone and trust your friends. In challenging situations and difficult times your friends are invaluable. It is as if they are standing outside of your personal fogbank and can give you tips, helpful suggestion and call out the direction they see you heading so that you can find your way. If you wait until you are back on track until you let yourself be supported, it is highly likely that you will have already over steered so that your life is still off course only now in a different direction.

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