Wisdom Magazine's Monthly Webzine Skip Navigation Links
Wisdom Magazine, a bi-monthly compendium of information and resources related to holistic health, spirituality and metaphysics, is the largest free holistic publication serving New England with 50,000 copies printed and distributed to over 2,000 locations throughout Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, Rhode Island and Connecticut.
Home  About  This Month's Articles  Calendar of Events  Classified Listings  Holistic Resource Directory
 Educational Programs  Sacred Journeys & Retreats  Reiki Healing
 Article Archives  What's New in Books, CD's & DVD's  Wisdom Marketplace
 Where to Find Wisdom Near You  Subscriptions  Web Partner Links
 Advertising Information  Contact Us
Denali Institute of Northern Traditions
Ellie Pechet
Margaret Ann Lembo
Wisdom Magazine
Bach Flower Education
Wisdom Magazine
Circles of Wisdom
Light Healing
Wisdom Magazine
Alternatives For Healing

Your Love is In Your Heart (Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us)

by Cassendre Xavier

I am going through a period of great transition in my life. I am teaching myself new ways to use my gifts, since I am unable to work in the traditional sense, and I am wanting to create a family of choice in my 50s as I enjoyed in my 20s.

One thing I’ve noticed is that I want love again in ways I had it years ago. It has been many years since I have done the kinds of soulmate attraction exercises as I did years ago. I think I’m ready for deeper love again. And in being in touch with those feelings, I am noticing a lack of certain relationship aspects and features I enjoyed then.

I recall several pleasant and successful experiences I had in attracting and manifesting relationships with more compatible and available partners.

What I’ve learned is that if for whatever reason you abandon yourself, emotionally, it is not, actually it is never, too late to start being your own best friend, and to re-learn what you like in a partner. Learning to be your own authentic and lovable self is a great way to begin to attract right partnership of all kinds, from business, to friendship and to romantic. It’s all love, and love is in your heart.

That’s where your next love, sweetie, partner, lover is – in your heart.

The most distinctive example I have of this from my own life is when years ago I wanted a romantic partner. I was single and had some lusty affections and attentions from some, but I wanted one special one.

I knew I wanted my partner to be someone familiar with the Taoist teachings of Mantak Chia. So I thought I could meet this person if I started a book club or study group of the works of Mantak Chia. Then, since I had previously created and hosted support groups in the past, of various kinds, I recalled that this is not the way to go about meeting my partner. I knew that someone who goes to a group to learn about something is someone who struggles to do that thing regularly. I wanted someone who already engages in those Taoist practices.

When I looked within and asked how else I am to meet this person, Spirit answered, “Go inside your heart.”

I knew then that my love would be in my heart.

So, I then asked myself, “What do I yearn for in my heart – for myself? What do I dearly desire?”

The answer was, “To start a band.” I dearly desired to start a band to support my music, which I played on guitar and sang.

Within days I met my percussionist and connected with a neighbor who became my bassist.

One day as I walked with my percussionist, a wiry Leo came bounding up the sidewalk, carrying a bass guitar (he also played bass, although unrelated to my band and my bassist), and wearing a shirt open low to reveal a manly chest of hair. He was so energetic!

Soon, my friendship with my percussionist grew, and because he and the Leo were best friends, I often saw the Leo, who at some point became aware of my attraction to him. We grew attracted to each other and began dating. At some point in our relationship, I was very pleasantly surprised to learn that he practiced Mantak Chia’s Taoist teachings! And I didn’t have to start a book club or study group to meet him. I only needed to feel my heart and follow it.

I could mention several other similar examples:

· Meeting another significant other when I was walking to my office to write promotional material for my soon-to-be opening play at the Fringe Festival. (His hippy co-op looks captured my attention and when I stopped him to ask a bunch of questions about where we might know each other, he looked bemused and smiled at me, saying, “No” every time. We were together for 2 ½ years and are still friends today.)

· Meeting another significant other when I was playing a larger venue, and having for the first time mentioned in promotional materials that I am Haitian. (She had lived in Haiti and had never before seen a Haitian with a dredluck mohawk hairstyle, and steeltoe combat boots! We also were together for 2 ½ years and are still friends today.)

· Meeting several significant others when I was on a social media website being my truest erotic self for the first time in my life. (Several of these relationships are still going strong.)

· Meeting another significant other when I allowed my strong desire for domestic bliss and put out a call to both be a blessing and a helpmate, and receive a helpmate. (We are still nesting partners enjoying domestic, albeit complicated, bliss almost 4 years later.)

When were are seeking romantic partners, too often it is easy to forget that we are what we seek. We have what we want. We only have one element, or one side of it – and we are desiring another, complementary side with which to feel more content and complete. We are also seeking to give, to give comfort and love to another, or to others. We are seeking to provide pleasure, entertainment, excitement, and companionship.

Are you seeking a lover, a sweetheart, a partner, a mate?

Do not look outside of yourself first. First, look within. Look, and feel, within your heart, and ask:

1) How do I feel? (Do you feel sad without a partner? Lonely? Afraid? Guilty? Ashamed? Bored? Empty? Resentful? Angry? Frustrated? Take time to look at these feelings. Get in touch with them. And ask yourself questions that may better clarify your motives. See if some of these feelings are based in any beliefs or circumstances that need to be corrected. Perhaps some of these feelings can be resolved by taking certain actions. Sometimes you can add something to your life that may then correct a problem. Ultimately, examining and addressing your negative emotions will help to clear the way for more positive feelings, which will then attract more of what you want in a mate.)

2) What do I want? (Usually it doesn’t take very long to figure that out. Usually just a few seconds and you should be able to quickly know and jot down what you desire – what kind of relationship you want. Ask yourself how you want to feel in a relationship with this person. What kind of qualities and activities would you like to have? Do you want to travel? Do you want adventure? Or do you want to be a homebody with this person? For some people, the best thing is to stay at home or go on long drives with their favorite person – this is the case of actor James Brolin and his little lady Barbra Streisand! They just go on long drives in his truck, and stay in bed eating, drinking coffee, and reading the paper together. Their idea of heaven (and mine)!)

3) What should I do? (Normally, I don’t like to use the word “should.” But in this case, I am referring to what is the wisest first action you can take once you know what you want. Once you know what feelings and motivations are in your heart, and you are aware of what your heart desires in the way of a partner and a relationship, as well as other dreams you may have, ask your inner wise self, or the angels, or God, the Universe, Mother Earth/Father Sky, etc., etc. Ask within “What can I do?” What do you want to do? What makes you feel good to think about? What steps can you take towards your dreams?

Remember, that it isn’t only the direct seeking of your soulmate that will attract that person. In fact, it may be even moreso your pursuit of another action. An action that is either directly or in the direction of a heart’s desire or dream of yours – this will attract your soulmate.

Do what you love, and all that loves you will follow.

Follow your bliss and the right lovers will appear.

Love is always the answer.

And the answer is always in your heart.

All you have to do is listen, feel, and take action.

Best wishes and happy soulmate and dream life manifesting!

See also my related articles:

Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us (http://wisdom-magazine.com/Article.aspx/2225/)


Cassendre Xavier has been writing the "Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us" series at Wisdom Magazine's online edition since 2011. She is the author of the chapbook Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us: Dating & Relationships for the Poly, Recovering, Survivor & Tantric, and has presented her workshop of the same title at Sisterspace Weekend in Darlington, Maryland, and continues to do so annually at the Poly Living Conference in Philadelphia. Cassendre was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) at age 23. She has been a member of Philadelphia's LGBT, polyamorous, and New Age/ancient wisdom spiritual communities since 1991, and from 1996-1999 facilitated Sisters Healing Together, a peer support group for women survivors of incest with a special focus on compulsive overeating, which she also founded, at the William Way LGBT Community Center inPhiladelphia. She is an ordained Interfaith Minister who has been practicing her own kind of tantra since the late 1990s, and since her teens has been in recovery. Under her self-assigned spiritual name Amethyste Rah, Cassendre released the popular Affirmations for Survivors guided meditation audio series (“Self-Love” and “Spirituality” in 2007, and “Sexuality” and “Life Skills” are forthcoming). Although she is not a drug or alcohol abuser, she identifies as a person in recovery, and all of the events she produces are chem-free and sober. For more information, please visit http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com

Add Comment

Article Archives  This Month's Articles  Click Here for more articles by Cassendre Xavier
Bach Flower Education
Wisdom Magazine
Light Healing
Circles of Wisdom
Wisdom Magazine
Alternatives For Healing
Wisdom Magazine
Ellie Pechet
Denali Institute
Margaret Ann Lembo

Call Us Toll Free: 888-577-8091 or  |  Email Us  | About Us  | Privacy Policy  | Site Map  | © 2021 Wisdom Magazine