Pursuing Happiness

It is perhaps ironical that pursuit of happiness is universal, but that there is no universal definition of what it is, nor necessarily how to achieve it. Nevertheless, it generally results in satisfaction, contentment, and fulfillment, or an emotional plateau upon which a person seeks to remain, when he does, and his method of attaining it can be considered his climb toward it. The anticipated state and the journey toward it both serve as the driving engines to it.

There are three broad categories of happiness.

1. Material gain, usually first facilitated by monetary gain.

2. Goals, achievements, and accomplishments, which can range from mastering the sport of golf to personal growth and development.

3. Consummating relationships, such as marrying that dream person.

A person can certainly strive for all three, but one may represent his highest priority.

“Achieving goals that you are intrinsically motivated to pursue, particularly ones that are focused on personal growth and community, can help boost happiness,” according to Kendra Cherry in her article, “What is Happiness?” (Verwellmind, November 7, 2022). “Research suggests that pursuing these types of intrinsically motivated goals can increase happiness more than using extrinsic goals, like gaining money or status.”

These goals can be further subdivided into life segments—that is, those that entail individual achievements, such as earning a doctorate degree, and those that fulfill a life purpose, such as finding a cure to a particular disease. However, they can often result in unexpected benefits or byproducts.

“If we’ve defined happiness as both positive emotions and meaning in our lives, happiness is a state where we might experience personal positive emotions, like contentment, ease, or joy,” according to Dr. Tchiki Davis in her article, “What is Happiness, Anyway?” (Psychology Today, September 26, 2020). “But we also experience prosocial positive emotions that give us a greater sense of meaning—emotions like connectedness, gratitude, and compassion.”

Although everyone’s idea of this sometimes-elusively definable state varies, there are four expectation pitfalls that are common to pursuing it.

1. Happiness hinges upon achieving the goal.

2. It may not necessarily evoke the desired state even if the person does, demonstrating the difference between an idealized theory and an actualized reality.

3. It may not result in the fully desired state.

4. That state is unlikely to be a constant, never-changing, and permanent one, leaving it to wane over time, and thus prompt the person to initiate a new pursuit-and-attain cycle.

How many have pinned their hopes on snagging that idealized life partner, just or realize, even if he or she is successful., that the person never matched the vision? Or how many have been elated by driving home with that new car for the first time, just to realize that the happiness associated with it gradually diminished over time until it became nothing more than a means by which to get to work every day?

Part of the path to a person’s achievement of happiness entails examining how realistic his expectations are, how long it many take to realize them, and how he can chart a course to do so. If, for example, a person is employed by a fortune 500 company in the mail room, but envisions happiness as one day becoming its CEO, he may need to consider both the likelihood and longevity of attaining his goal by examining elements such as motivation, education, ability, competition, and duration. He may need to determine how realistic his expectations are. And, if he persists in pursuing this happiness-attaining goal, he will assuredly need to draft a road map that will lead to it.

“Whenever we want to accomplish anything, we benefit from creating a plan or map to get there,” advises Davis (op. cit.). “So, once you know what happiness is and how you define (it), you can start growing your happiness.”

Although this varies by person, what does not are the overall dynamics behind it.

Despite the fact that the achieved goal is perceived as the reason for and result of happiness, the goal itself, first and foremost, ironically has less to do with it than the emotional state that it creates, explaining why the item or aspect varies according to the individual and can therefore not be considered universal. As external catalyst, it evokes internal emotional changes, transforming the person’s reality and experience.

“Although we often think happiness comes from the things that happen to us, science suggests that (it) largely comes from our brains,” according to Davis (ibid). “That’s why changing the way we think can increase our happiness, even if we make no changes to our lives (at all).”

Happiness, in this case, can be considered the proverbial “inside job.”

Although the achievement and its resultant emotional state may be considered the ultimate goals, believing that they have an “ultimate” nature will only produce unrealistic and disappointing results. The imperfect, impermanent make up of life, with the unanticipated circumstances that occur and a person’s own ebbing and flowing mental, emotional, and physical variations with them on any given day, cannot create an unending, uninterruptable state of beingness.

“One important thing to remember is that happiness isn’t a state of constant euphoria,” according to Cherry (op. cit.). “Instead, (it) is an overall sense of experiencing more positive emotions than negative ones.”

Finally, happiness cannot be considered a final destination, but one that enhances the journey, making the inevitable sadder, less pleasant portions of it more palatable.

Robert G. Waldvogel has earned the Interdisciplinary Certificate in Behavioral Health for Late Adolescence and the Emerging Adult and a Postgraduate Certificate in the Fundamentals of Cognitive Behavioral Treatment at Adelphi University’s School of Social Work. He has led Twelve-Step support groups on Long Island for almost fifteen years, and created the Adult Child Recovery-through-Writing, and the Strengthening Our Spirituality Programs taught at the Thrive Recovery Community and Outreach Center in Westbury. He is a frequent contributor to Wisdom Magazine.