Living in the Present

Although it is only possible to occupy a single space and time at any given moment, time itself is usually subdivided into periods that correspond to the past, the present, and the future, and the mind can delude a person into believing that he can live in all three. Aside from this impossibility, the sheer belief causes an altered focus and robs him of the only time he really has.

“Constantly thinking about the past and worrying about the future can make it difficult to enjoy the good things in your life in the here and now,” advises Arlin Cuncic in her article, “How to be More Present” (VeryWellMind, Internet, March 24, 2023). “Learning how to be more mindful and live in the moment can give you greater appreciation for your life, help reduce stress, and minimize anxiety.”

An Al-Anon twelve-step program member emphasizes the distorted reality her alleged departure from the present can cause.

“When my worries and sorrow cloak me, the laughter and sunshine of the everyday world seem inappropriate to the way I feel,” she explains in Al-Anon’s Courage to Change text (Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992, p. 195). “Who is out of sync—the rest of the world or me?”

If this tendency robs a person of his present, what causes him to retreat—at least in his mind—to the past?

Living in the Past

Many factors, which are common to everyone, spark a mental and emotional shift from the present to the past.

The first of them can be grouped together to include loneliness, isolation, boredom, inactivity, and lack of stimulation, all of which activate the brain’s default mode network.

“The default mode network (DMN) is a system of connected brain areas that show increased activity when a person is not focused on what is happening around him,” according to the “What is the Default Mode Network” article in Psychology Today (Internet). “The DMN is especially active, research shows, when one engages in introspective activities, such as daydreaming, contemplating the past or the future, or thinking about the perspective of another person….When a person is not engaged in any demanding, externally-oriented mental task, the mind shifts into default.”

The second past-oriented focus results from emotional and physiological conditions, such as being tired, hungry, not feeling well, and being in a sad or depressed state, that reduce alertness and a sense or presence.

“Connectivity between particular default mode network areas of the brain has been linked to higher levels of rumination in depressed individuals,” the “What is the Default Mode Network” article continues (ibid). “The depressive among us ruminate about their regrets, failures, shame, and anger.”

This points to a third reason for past-oriented focus—namely, a person has regrets, feels guilty, is shameful of his previous actions, has not forgiven himself or others about something, and generally tries to complete his unfinished business. If he has shelved and hence bypassed any of this, it will only periodically surface as he mentally tries to “travel back in time,” process the feeling or the event, and achieve a level of satisfaction.

Yet a fourth stimulus is a conscious or subconscious reminder or trigger. This can take numerous forms, such as a sight, a smell, a sound, a taste, or a tactical sensation, sparking memories—both good and bad—that have a “transporting effect.”

“For those of us who denied, distorted, or lost touch with painful memories, facing the reality of our past can be a critical part of our recovery,” Courage to Change explains (op. cit., p. 99). “Fond memories must also be recognized if we hope to look back in a realistic way. Still, it is important to remember that the past is over. We are powerless over what has gone before.”

People are just as powerless to affect or change what has not “gone yet”—that is, the future. But they nevertheless attempt to live there as well.

Living in the Future

Although a person is unable to “jump to” the future and whatever will occur there, whether it will take place in an hour, a day, or a week, and is not and cannot be stored in the brain until it actually does, it nevertheless convinces him that it will.

Future focus results from a few aspects, all of which are closely related and usually occur in rapid, sequential order—most likely beyond the person’s realization.

The first is the anticipation of an event, an interaction, and/or a consequence. The more this is anticipated, the easier it leads to the second—or full--expectation of it. With that unrefuted “reality” comes the third element—the preparation for it--or the person’s mental, emotional, and even physiological “priming” for it. Geared for it, it finally leads to minimization—or a lessening of the impact when it will “assuredly’ play out,” the person reasons. If he is ill-equipped to face this potential because of a lack of self-confidence, strength, security, or tools, the sequence will only intensify.

“Why am I leaping into the future?” another Al-Anon member asks in Courage to Change (op. cit., p. 15). “…Part of me gambles that by worrying in advance, bad news will be easier to face if it comes. But worrying will not protect me from the future. It will just keep me from living here and now.”

Because these composite mental images and scenarios usually consist of pieces and snippets of events that have already happened, injected with a large doss of anxiety, fear, and negative emotion to give them convincing life, they actually entail an element of living in the past, but the mind usually convinces the person otherwise.

“When we anticipate doom, we lose touch with what is happening now and see the world as a threatening place against which we must be on constant alert,” another member advises in Courage to Change (ibid, p. 150).

Living in the Present

Shifting focus between past, present, and future “times” is so frequent and automatic, that a person is usually unaware of it. But there are remedies for this dynamic, and the first one is awareness itself. The person must periodically ask himself if he is reviewing and chewing on something that has already happened, is immersed in the present, or is projecting something into the future.

Another solution is the deliberate refocus from inside his head to outside of it—that is, greater awareness of and immersion in his environment.

“One way to be in the present moment is by noticing your surroundings,” advises Cuncic (op. cit.). “How often do you take time out of your day to actually look around you and see what’s going on? When was the last time you sat down, closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and just looked at everything around you?”

Another recovery program member supports this refocus method.

“I can turn away from distractive thoughts and concentrate instead on the sights and sounds around me: light and shadows, the earth beneath my feet, the pulse of everyday living—all pieces of the here and now. (Courage to Change, op. cit., p. 10).

Another remedy is the replacement of the negative thoughts and emotions that idleness tends to create with interests and activities that generate their opposites, such as reading a good book, listening to music, watching a light or funny movie, humming or singing, and taking a walk, all of which spark a rise in the emotional state.

Yet another solution is a connection and communication with others, either via telephone or in person. This provides that soul-to-soul link and instantly shifts the focus from the self to the other.

The ultimate connection, of course, is that with God or the Higher Power of a person’s understanding, which is established through prayer. It results in an elevation and temporary disconnection from earthly concerns by drawing the person to his Creator, who is above all of them, including time itself.

Meditation, which also fosters a separated state from the trap the mind can set, can be a momentary “vacation” from it.

Yet another method entails the search for peace, serenity, and gratitude.

“Part of living in the present moment is taking the time to be grateful for what you have now—not in the past or the future,” Cuncic further advises (op. cit.) “If you are constantly focused on things you don’t have, you aren’t taking the time to appreciate what you (do) right now…”

Finally, the person must relinquish the notion that he can change or rewrite anything he has said or done in the past or, for that matter, what anyone else has said or done in it. Its only value is the lessons it may have taught.

“There is much to learn from the past, but I cannot allow past hurts to smolder and destroy today,” advises Courage to Change (op. cit., p. 216). “Instead, I can ask my Higher Power to help me use my experiences to move forward and to make healthier, more loving choices.”

Past, Present, and Future Integrated

Despite the mind’s convincing delusion to the contrary, a person cannot time-travel; and, although there can be value in understanding the past so that he can chart a better course for the future, the present is all he has and is exactly that—a present or gift to be used more effectively. Time is not like currency that can be deposited into a bank account for later retrieval with interest. Once it has passed, it can never be regained or reused. So, use yours wisely!

Robert G. Waldvogel has earned the Interdisciplinary Certificate in Behavioral Health for Late Adolescence and the Emerging Adult and a Postgraduate Certificate in the Fundamentals of Cognitive Behavioral Treatment at Adelphi University’s School of Social Work. He has led Twelve-Step support groups on Long Island for more than a decade, and created the Adult Child Recovery-through-Writing, and the Strengthening Our Spirituality Programs taught at the Thrive Recovery Community and Outreach Center in Westbury. He is a frequent contributor to Wisdom Magazine.