You Can't Do It Alone

Even though we like to think we can ‘do it on our own’ and be independent, the truth is that we’re all connected and our survival is based on that connectedness. Babies are born completely helpless and would surely perish without the love and care given by their family. Societies are formed and organized by people working together to accomplish far more than they could as individuals. Let’s face it, we are undeniably communal creatures who are wired to want to fit in and interact with other people.

As Americans, we value our freedoms. Our country was founded on the desire to have a better life, escape from oppressive governments and prove our independence and courage ("the land of the free and the home of the brave"). However, with this tune of independence and freedom playing in the background of our culture, we may be missing out on the invaluable support system from friends around us while trying to prove we can do it alone.

Trying to be independent and live your life without allowing support from others - in other words, trying to "do it alone" - is a dead end. In our work over the past 20 years consulting individuals, couples and businesses, we’ve seen that you really can’t do it on your own for a number of reasons. If you’re operating "alone" in your life and problems arise, it’s difficult to find appropriate and lasting solutions. Even then, we have heard it said that every solution creates new problems. Einstein said that a problem cannot be solved from within the system that created that problem. Basically, people find themselves going from what they thought was a solution into the next series of problems.

If you want to live a life that is rich, fulfilling, even enlightened, that is actually determined by you, rather than the ideals you absorbed, look to the friends that you have around you. Get involved in or create a like-minded community that shares a passion you have and get interested in discovering the impact one person can make on another and vice versa. In this way, we move past the mechanical behaviors we learned to survive, towards true independence, which is actually interdependence with others.

Without moving from where you are sitting and reading this article, how much of your physical body can you see? Maybe your hands, a piece of hair, or a knee. Someone sitting across from you could see all of you; besides, other people don’t hold the same harsh judgments of you as you do. Since it is so difficult to see yourself clearly, having friends and allowing others to make a difference in your life, allows you the possibility of actually reaching your own potential. Having someone to talk to, to share ideas with, to support you in going for excellence and not quitting on yourself is a rare gift. When you are feeling down and it all seems too hard to continue, it is in those moments that community supports us in going for our lives. It is easy to get discouraged. Life is full of disappointments, but when you realize you are not traveling that road alone, you can keep going. When you are in a community, you realize that you make a difference, you matter. This supports you in being your true self and making a difference with your life.