Astrology & Romance - Who Puts You "Over the Moon?"
by Doria Gambino
People ask me all the time, “What is the best sign for me as far as a romantic partner?” Well, Sun-Sign compatibility is only a very small part of the story when you are looking at relationships. The Sun Sign (as well as the Ascendant, the “other half” of the personality) describes very basic personality traits -- and yes, historically some signs are indeed more likely to get along than others, all factors considered. I have also noticed that certain other Sun-Sign combinations rarely work out in long-term partnerships, as the two individuals really can’t understand each other no matter how hard they try. In my 34 years of study, I’ve observed that there’s usually at least one Sun Sign that each sign should pretty much stay away from in romance, as this particular pairing tends to crash and burn almost every time.
However, when it comes to romance and falling in love, certain other planets are actually MORE important than Sun Signs when it comes to determining whether or not two individuals can live “happily ever after.” Specifically, the placements of both partners’ Mars, Venus, and the Moon are crucial factors affecting romance, love, and chemistry within the relationship. This particular article will focus on the Moon and its role in falling in love.
The Moon rules the EMOTIONS within any individual’s chart, and therefore looking at the sign and house placement of the Moon will tell you a lot about what the person’s emotional NEEDS are, how he or she tends to REACT on an emotional level, what she or he tends to EXPECT in a romantic relationship, and what types of scenarios will cause PAIN to this person on an emotional level. Therefore, since emotions are such a key component of romantic relationships, if the needs of each partner’s Moon are not met to an acceptable level within the relationship, the individuals are likely to end up unhappy and frustrated, and therefore they may eventually “fall out of love.”
Now that we know WHAT the Moon represents Astrologically, and WHY it is so important in a romantic partnership, let’s look at the Moon in each of the 12 signs. Understanding the Moon placement of yourself and your partner can help you find ways to better respect and cater to each other’s needs and create more harmony within your partnership. (NOTE: Since the Moon travels throughout the entire zodiac every single month and often changes from one sign to the next within a single day, knowing your exact time of birth can help determine your Moon’s placement accurately. However, if you are born on a day when the Moon is NOT changing sign, you can be sure that the Moon’s sign for that day is indeed your own Moon sign.)
If your Moon is in ARIES: You need a lot of space and freedom within a relationship; therefore being in a relationship with someone who is independent and has his or her own interests is ideal. Clingy, needy individuals turn you off. A partner who expects you to limit your exploration of the world or follow rigid routines will make you feel stifled. Instead, a partner who matches your spontaneous, adventurous, and fun-loving spirit will suit you best – you are so active and on-the-go that you need to find a partner who can actually keep up with you. You approach life with great energy and optimism, and thus you want a partner who has a positive attitude, as someone who is pessimistic and always raining on your enthusiasm will not be tolerated for long. You were not born with great patience (unless other planets in your chart contribute this characteristic), and therefore a mate who is too slow in making decisions will drive you nuts. In a relationship, you can be rather demanding, as you like to get your own way, so a partner who is flexible, and also devoted enough to you to want to make you happy is what you need – yet there is a fine line between giving you devotion and giving you space, so this may be a bit of a challenge to create the proper balance. Also, to complicate things even further, even though you like to be “the boss,” if your mate is too much of a doormat, you will grow bored with the relationship – your partner needs to challenge you enough to keep your interest. You are a very passionate soul, and therefore you need your partner to reflect strong passions back to you on all levels: physically, mentally, and emotionally. You even enjoy a heated argument now and then (it keeps things lively) as long as the relationship is fun most of the time.
If your Moon is in TAURUS: Your needs are almost the complete opposite of those with an Aries Moon. For you, a partner who is stable, consistent, and calm will make you feel the most content. You seek security in a relationship; thus, a mate who is too erratic, impulsive and full of surprises will make you feel like you are not on solid ground. You need to know that your sweetheart’s personality, habits, and behaviors will be fairly predictable from day to day, because you feel safe and relaxed with things that are familiar and comfortable. For this same reason, you tend to be traditional and conservative, and a mate who is too “cutting edge” will probably make you uneasy. You like a calm environment and you tend to be slow-moving at times – while other signs thrive on a hectic pace, too much noise and chaos fills you with anxiety and stress. Another thing that will definitely stress you out is to be in a relationship with someone who squanders money – you need financial stability and material possessions and comforts in order to feel happy and secure. Getting back to your slow and steady pace: You may take a long time to fall in love (to the point where your partner is getting frustrated), but the good news for your partner is that, once you do fall in love, you tend to stay committed for the long haul. Although you tend to be generally calm emotionally, if your mate blows the rent on a new pair of shoes or racks up huge credit card bills, you will lose your cool. Finally, since Taurus is such a highly sensual, earthy sign, the physical side of a relationship is very important to you. You have an eye for beauty, and want a mate who is attractive. You also crave being touched (it is literally essential to your state of emotional health), so a mate who is not affectionate and cuddly will make you feel starved.
If your Moon is in GEMINI: The most important element in a relationship for you is communication. You are looking for someone who is interesting to talk to, someone with whom you can discuss your endless and varied interests, ideas, and opinions. Also, since you tend to intellectualize your emotions rather than feeling them all the time, you prefer a partner with a light-hearted approach to romance and relationships – heavy emotional scenes and expectations make you squirm. You’d rather be with someone who has a great sense of humor and a playful nature, and who prefers to discuss issues rationally than get into emotional drama. Partners who are too intense, needy, clingy, weepy, or angry will make you want to run after awhile. Also, since your thoughts and feelings are ever-changing, your mate needs to be a personality type who is very comfortable with change, flexible, and can adapt to the fact that your own moods and priorities may change twenty times in a single day. Also, since you tend to be very social and want to talk to a variety of people, a mate who is the jealous, possessive, and gets hot under the collar every time you engage in a conversation with a member of the opposite sex will not work with you. You have a variety of friends, of all backgrounds, and so expecting you to stop hanging out with half of the world’s population just to soothe a jealous nature is like asking a bird to clip its wings. You do not consider having a conversation with someone to be “cheating” on your mate – you simply find people fascinating.
If your Moon is in CANCER: Security is a top priority for you in any relationship (and in life in general – you need financial security, a stable home life, a stable career, and so forth). You are emotionally vulnerable and easily hurt, and therefore you want to feel safe within a partnership, feeling that your partner is committed to you, will not betray you, and will not abandon you. Therefore, you tend to be possessive with people, demanding a certain amount of time and attention (you even tend to do this with friends, too.) It’s not that you want to dominate and control people per se – you simply feel safer when you know where everyone in your own personal world is and what they’re doing. You need a relationship more so than many other signs, and generally feel incomplete without one. This fact, coupled with your very sensitive emotional nature, means that it often takes a while for you to open up to someone. You want a long-term involvement, not a fling, and falling in love means you are risking a broken heart. Therefore, you need to feel that a person is trustworthy enough for you to justify letting down your defenses and committing your feelings. However, once you do commit, you tend to stick around -- even if a relationship becomes problematic. Letting go of someone or something you’ve grown attached to can be a traumatic experience for you, and therefore you may stay in a relationship long past the point where you have become unhappy. You want a mate who is committed, dependable, fairly predictable, cuddly and affectionate, communicates his or her feelings clearly, keeps no secrets from you, and who gets along well with your family and close friends (you tend to be very involved with your loved ones, and it’s important that your mate fit in with them). Romance is important to you – you are sentimental and want your mate to remember and make a fuss over all the special moments and events (anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine’s Day, and so forth). Since Cancer is the sign of “the mother,” you enjoy nurturing your mate (such as cooking for them and taking care of them when they’re sick), so a mate who likes to be pampered makes for an ideal combination. However, in exchange for all your love and care, your mate will have to put up with the fact that you tend to be rather moody.
If your Moon is in LEO: You are the king or queen of the jungle, and therefore you demand certain things in a relationship: respect, admiration, and loyalty. If your partner is disrespectful towards you – especially in front of others – they will find out very quickly (and probably dramatically) that they have made a mistake with a capital “M.” The admiration part of the triad is based on the fact that Leo needs attention, adoration, and praise the way other people need air (and conversely, Leo hates being criticized). You simply don’t feel loved unless you are being TOLD and SHOWN that you are loved on a daily basis (and this includes spending money on you – a cheap mate will make you feel insulted, as you believe you deserve the best of everything). Finally, when it comes to loyalty, your mate had better not get caught flirting with anyone else – they should be so madly in love with YOU that they no longer even find other people attractive. You want a mate who is your biggest fan and who treats you like the royalty you are -- it makes you happy being put on a pedestal by your lover. So, what does your mate get in exchange for giving you all of this devotion? They get a mate who is warm, generous, affectionate, fun, playful, enthusiastic, passionate, and definitely romantic – Leo Moons love to create romantic settings to share with their mates, full of candlelight, music, champagne, flowers, and all the trimmings. If you are the king, then you want your mate to be like a beautiful elegant princess. And if you are the queen, you want your man to be your knight in shining armor, riding up on a white horse and bearing roses. You have a lot of pride, and therefore you want a mate you can show off in public, someone who enhances your own status and does not embarrass you (it also helps if your mate is good-looking). You are also more comfortable giving orders than taking them, so a headstrong, control-hungry mate will only result in endless power struggles that neither one of you win.
If your Moon is in VIRGO: Although you may be willing to serve your partner in whatever ways you can happily and without fanfare, you still very much need to be appreciated. Without enough validation that you are indeed making your partner happy, you may become insecure and start to withdraw emotionally from the relationship. Speaking of emotions, you are not comfortable with a lot of drama, and therefore a mate who is fairly calm and rational suits you best. You also prefer a mate who is intellectual (so you can discuss ideas), organized and reliable (an impulsive partner who is constantly jumping into things without thinking will make you nervous), and a mate who is neat and clean. Someone who will pamper you and fuss over you when you are sick is also a big plus. When you love someone, you seek ways to improve their lives – however, some people may interpret your desire to help as interference, or they may even feel that you are trying to control them with your unsolicited advice. YOU know your input is simply meant to be “constructive criticism,” but some people may simply feel criticized, and therefore you need to find a partner who will not be irritated by or resentful of this tendency of yours. To be fair, you are just as hard on yourself as you are on others – but here’s the paradox: while you are quite comfortable dishing out criticism, you do not like to be on the receiving end of it. Your self-critical nature makes you prone to insecurities, so a mate who throws more fuel on this fire will just make you feel bad. You need someone who can reassure you that while you may never achieve the perfection you strive for, you are pretty wonderful anyway.
If your Moon is in LIBRA: Libra is the sign that rules relationships, and therefore individuals with Moon in Libra literally do not feel complete without a partner. You are quite social and enjoy the company of many friends – however, nothing is a suitable substitute for that one special relationship. You are a true romantic at heart, and having no one to share that with can leave you feeling melancholy. What you seek most in a relationship (besides the basic togetherness and romance) is one that makes you feel serene and secure. Yours is a delicate emotional nature: arguments and confrontations can literally make you feel ill. Therefore, a partner who is always yelling, screaming, and picking fights will end up giving you an ulcer. Also, a mate who is a slob will not do for you, either, as yours is the sign that rules aesthetics – you need your surroundings to be pleasing to the eye. Your desire to surround yourself with beautiful things includes your partner as well – in order for you to totally fall in love, you need to have a strong physical attraction to your partner. People may call you shallow, but you simply can’t help it – you need a mate you love to look at. Finally, because you tend to be a social butterfly, it is important to you that your mate get along well with your friends and family – YOU spend so much time with them that if your mate fights with them or refuses to attend social events with you, it will tear you up inside every time you are forced to choose between the people you care about. Libra Moon wants EVERYBODY to get along, in all places and all situations, because social discord is just too stressful for you.
If your Moon is in SCORPIO: A superficial romance or casual fling will not do for you – you want a deep, intense, lasting bond with a true soul mate. You need to feel in control of your emotions, and this extends into your relationships – you tend to be jealous and possessive, stemming from your basically suspicious nature. If you are not sure what your mate is up to behind your back, you will imagine the worst – therefore, above all else, you seek a mate who is trustworthy and loyal. If your partner even thinks about lying to you or keeping secrets from you, they will be in big trouble. And if they should betray you on an even deeper level, by cheating on you for example, they’d better pack their bags. Once Scorpio Moon’s trust has been shattered past a certain point, there is no such thing as “forgive and forget.” You NEVER forget. When you form a bond with anyone, be they friend or lover, you are intensely loyal, but once someone betrays you, he or she will find out what it’s like to be shut out in the cold. Now that I’ve said all that, paradoxically, if you have a mate who is TOO agreeable and never challenges you in any way, you’ll probably get bored. You WANT a partner who has an intense personality, a strong mind, strong will, and strong opinions – yet whose loyalty towards you is unquestionable. Therefore, it’s not easy to find someone worthy of your love, so when you finally do, you hold on for life. Sex is also very important to you in a relationship, so that connection must be strong between you. Finally, you can be quite moody and cranky at times, and your mate ideally should just leave you alone when you get like that, because if someone pokes at you while you’re in a dark mood, you can get too riled up. You’ll snap out of your bad mood when you are ready – and not before.
If your Moon is in SAGITTARIUS: What Sag Moon wants most in a lover is a buddy, a best friend who will join you in your many adventures as well as giving you plenty of space and freedom to go off exploring on your own. You love to travel, and to meet new people, so a mate who insists on that cozy type of togetherness where s/he is by your side 24 hours a day will only slow you down and make you feel like you are living the old “ball and chain” cliché. Ideally, your mate should be someone who is independent and has her or his own interests and friendships, because clingy naggers will make you run for the hills. A spontaneous, flexible, fun-loving partner will keep you happy – but it’s good if he or she is somewhat organized (since you are often not), and should definitely be good at managing the finances (you tend to spend money the minute it gets into your hands). An athletic partner would be a plus, for then you will always have someone with whom you can play tennis or go hiking and biking. You are drawn to people who are interested in learning and growing, and who have spunk – if your mate challenges you from time to time, it keeps you from getting bored. It also helps if your partner likes animals as much as you do. Your mate must also be honest and ethical, as you cannot tolerate liars and cheaters and other underhanded types, and a positive attitude is a must – worriers and pessimists clash with your basic cheerful, carefree “everything will work out somehow and tomorrow’s a brand new day” state of mind.
If your Moon is in CAPRICORN: You tend to sublimate your emotions in favor of logic and achievement, so a mate who is tolerant of your workaholic nature and supportive of your drive and ambition to succeed is what you require. You seek a partner who is dignified, classy, self-disciplined, dependable, responsible, and trustworthy. You have no patience for flighty, impulsive, disorganized types – and you definitely don’t want to come home to emotional melodrama at the end of your long work day. Respect is a key element for you in a relationship – your reputation is very important to you, and you want a mate who takes that seriously and behaves with class, especially in public – if your partner acts too silly and wild, or starts an argument with you in the middle of a restaurant, you will feel mortified. Public displays of affection also make you uncomfortable – you’re one of those people who think that couples who are making out in the restaurant should “get a room.” Another thing that will freak you out is a mate who is frivolous with money. You prefer to spend conservatively and save up for retirement. Also, because your innate pessimism can pull you down into some rather gloomy moods, a mate who can gently cheer you up when you’re brooding will be much appreciated. Finally, although you may not be the most romantic or demonstrative of the signs, you take your relationships very seriously and are not afraid of commitment like some other signs. You want a true life-partner, you are in it for the long haul, and you will stand by your mate through good times and bad.
If your Moon is in AQUARIUS: “Don’t fence me in” is your motto. You are a very unique creature, and therefore a mate who expects you to act like “everyone else” will not do. You need someone who appreciates your uniqueness and unconventionality, and who finds your quirks endearing rather than exasperating. You prefer lots of space within a relationship – 24/7 togetherness may be lovely for some other signs, but for you it feels like suffocation, no matter how much you like your mate. You are also very much drawn to people who present a challenge, because if you “win” your partner too easily, you tend to lose interest and won’t feel that this relationship is “special” enough for such a unique individual as yourself. Ideally, your partner should be someone who is intriguing, independent, very patient, and able to cope with the fact that relationships tend to confuse you (your tendency to intellectualize your emotions means you often have trouble understanding emotions, both your own and those of others). The perfect mate for you would be someone you can consider to be your best friend. You appreciate an intellectual mind and good conversation more than most other qualities, and if your mate also cares about making a contribution to the world, you will admire and adore him or her even more. Also, your idea of what makes for a good romantic gesture is often strange, but if your mate prefers interesting surprises rather than the traditional flowers and candy most other partners give on Valentine’s Day, you will have found your match.
If your Moon is in PISCES: Romance is essential to you. You want grand passion, a romance that resembles a Hollywood movie or a fairy tale. Since this is not easy to find, it’s a good thing you keep a pair of “rose-colored glasses” handy – more than any other Moon sign, you are able to see your partner the way you WANT to see them. This has its advantages (you are less bothered by things that may irritate other signs) but also carries some huge disadvantages (you can get so hooked on the need for a romantic high that you ignore major warning signs about a partner, and therefore you may end up getting involved with someone who is truly bad for you). “Love is blind” is a phrase that was probably coined to describe Pisces Moon. However, as long as your partner doesn’t have any major flaws that could potentially ruin your life, it’s okay to spend time together creating a magical fantasy world built for two. Unless other signs in your chart make you more aggressive, you tend to be the more “passive” one in a relationship, preferring a partner who takes the lead. You also want lots of togetherness in your relationship – a partner who is always off with his friends or who spends too much time on her hobbies will leave you feeling lonely and abandoned. Pisces Moon also tends to be very sensual and hedonistic. Sex is a very important component in a relationship to one with this moon placement – you are ideally seeking sexual experiences that are sublime and transcendent. Finally, you tend to be sensitive to the point of being somewhat emotionally fragile, and therefore a partner who yells at you or criticizes you excessively will upset you to the point where you may simply want to run and escape this relationship altogether. Life feels hard enough for you most days as it is; therefore, you simply can’t stand coming home to arguments and confrontations with your mate. That’s NOT how the fairy tale is supposed to end!
These are just some basic Astrological generalities based strictly on the Moon sign. As always, the other planets and signs within an individual’s chart must be taken into consideration when examining romance and relationships. To illustrate, a man with a Virgo Moon who has Taurus as his Sun Sign or Ascendant will be much more commitment-oriented than a Virgo Moon man who is a Sagittarius Sun with an Aquarius Ascendant (the latter may suffer from “the grass is always greener somewhere else” syndrome). Another example: A woman with a Pisces Moon who has Cancer as her Sun Sign will probably yearn to be a mom, while a Pisces Moon woman whose chart is otherwise full of planets in Gemini may be much more devoted to her career – although she will still want romance in her life at the end of her very long and active work day.
While the Moon’s placement indicates the emotional requirements that you need your partner to fulfill in order for a romantic relationship to be one of lasting happiness, other factors that strongly affect compatibility are the two partners’ Sun Signs and Ascendants (basic personality traits), Venus (reveals whether or not you will have enough interests and lifestyle preferences in common), Mars (indicates factors affecting sexual chemistry in the relationship), the placement of Saturn (which reveals challenges you may face in the relationship), and other planetary configurations, but there is not room in this article to explore all of these factors. In order to determine all of the Astrological components affecting compatibility, the charts of both partners need to be compared planet-by-planet to get the complete picture.
In conclusion, I hope you found this article to be helpful in understanding your own relationship needs as well as the needs of your partner. I have found Astrology to be one of the most insightful and accurate tools available for understanding both individual personalities and relationship compatibility. I have found over the years that ALL of my relationships improve when I understand the Astrological personality characteristics of the people with whom I am interacting.
Doria Gambino is a Professional Astrologer with 25 years’ experience specializing in natal and progressed charts, relationship compatibility charts, and charts for children. Personal consultations in person or by phone with Doria are available by appointment. For more information, please visit Doria's website: www.PlanetaryPeaceGathering.com To join Doria’s mailing list to receive free e-mail articles about Astrology, send an e-mail to: DoriaGambino@aol.com
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